Some people are highly charismatic, but not everyone can just waltz into a room full of strangers and command their attention.
While some people have been gifted with a confident, outgoing nature that just naturally draws strangers to them, others are far more introverted and apprehensive of social situations.
Studies have shown we have mere seconds to make a lasting impression on someone, so how do you make it count? How do you get people to like you?
FBI Behavioral expert Robin Dreeke, who wrote "It’s Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone," knows a thing or two on how to win over friends and he shared his tips with Ladders.
Here we look at five ways you can get people to like you, according to Dreeke.
1. Seek non-judgmental validation. The best way to engage with strangers is to seek their thoughts and opinions, but make sure you do so without passing judgment. Dreeke calls it "non-judgmental validation," and it goes a long way in making lasting impressions.
"Seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without judging them," he explained. "People do not want to be judged in any thought or opinion that they have or in any action that they take."
2. Resist the urge to challenge other people's opinions. So someone has said something contradictory to your belief? While the urge to argue may be overpowering, it is not going to go down well with someone you have just met. Sometimes social interactions require that you set aside your ego.
"Consciously ignore your desire to be correct and to correct someone else. It’s not allowing yourself to get emotionally hijacked by a situation where you might not agree with someone’s thoughts, opinions or actions," Dreeke said.
3. Be a good listener. Everyone wants to believe they are a good listener but how many of us actually are? A good listener pays attention to what someone is saying, not to what their response will be.
"Listening isn’t shutting up. Listening is having nothing to say. There’s a difference there," Dreeke noted. "If you just shut up, it means you’re still thinking about what you wanted to say. You’re just not saying it. The second that I think about my response, I’m half listening to what you’re saying because I’m really waiting for the opportunity to tell you my story."
4. Ask the right questions. The difference between an engaging conversation and a bland one is the questions you ask. Forget the mundane pleasantries, cut straight to the meaningful stuff.
"A great question I love is challenges," Dreeke said. Questions such as "what kind of challenges did you have at work this week?", "what kind of challenges do you have living in this part of the country?" or "what kinds of challenges do you have raising teenagers?" are great.
5. Put them at ease. Have you ever been stuck in a conversation with someone who went on for hours when all you wanted was to make a beeline for the door? Nobody likes those awkward situations which is why it helps to check in with the person about their availability to chat.
"When people think you’re leaving soon, they relax," Dreeke pointed out. "If you sit down next to someone at a bar and say, 'Hey, can I buy you a drink?' their shields go way up. It’s 'Who are you, what do you want, and when are you leaving?' That 'when are you leaving' is what you’ve got to answer in the first couple of seconds."
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