I see a lot of couples for marriage counseling and although each couple has a unique set of problems, one thing stands out: Couples who are having problems often stop doing nice things for each other. It may be that when she went shopping she used to always buy him a little present — a tie, a travel coffee mug, a half-pound of English toffee. Now she goes and buys for the children and herself. But the treats for him have stopped.

He, on the other hand, used to stop by the grocery store on the way home from work and bring her strawberries. He also used to make a point of bringing home his company’s newsletter for her to read. Now he does neither.

Here’s one technique that I’ve been suggesting to couples which brings quick, positive results and good feelings.

Get a large note pad and draw a line down the middle of the page. Write your name on one side and your partner’s on the other. Every day each of you should do three nice things for the other and write them on the paper. Your list for several days may look like this:

Joan Brought him coffee, picked up his cleaning, told him his haircut looked good

Jim Got her popcorn at the movie, told her “I love you”, helped her wash windows

Joan Bought food for his hunting trip, bought him new wool socks, fixed him breakfast

Jim Gave her a back rub, made a fire when she asked, made her coffee

Joan Sent him a card, had a key made for his locker, made him a cherry pie

Jim Made dinner and cleaned up, listened to her about a job problem, told her the house looked nice

Joan Complimented him on his tie, said “I love you”, sewed a button on his shirt

Jim Sent her a card, picked up milk, bought her doughnuts

The trick to this technique is to keep doing it even if you’re annoyed at your spouse. And keep it in a place where you can both see it — on the kitchen counter, on the dining room table. If you have children, let them see your list. It’s good for them to know that Mom and Dad do nice things for each other.

Every couple who has used this technique has reported good results. Try it for a month. I guarantee, it works.