Many arguments between parents and children could be avoided if parents were more conscious of the way they communicated with their children.

The Broken Record Routine

If Bobby asks you to drop him at the mall and you don’t want him to go, tell him,“No, I don’t want you at the mall.” If he responds,“But Mom, all my friends are going,” don’t say, "If everybody jumps off a cliff, are you going to jump off too? Instead, go for a solution and simply state,“I don’t want you at the mall.”

If Bobby tells you you’re the meanest person in the world, don’t respond. He’s simply venting his frustration.

If he keeps nagging, keep your voice even and repeat, “I don’t want you at the mall.” Then walk away if possible. At some point, Bobby will get the message and you’ll save yourself and family needless arguing.

Observations Only

If your 12-year daughter has left her dirty dishes sitting in the family room, simply make an observation: “Your dirty dishes are in the family room.”

If her room is a mess, make an observation: “You have a lot of things lying around in your room.” If you think she’s been on the phone too long, you might say, “You’ve been on the telephone for quite awhile now.”

Simply making an observation keeps you from being critical and invites your child to develop her own conscience. Will stating the obvious get you the results you want? Not always, but sometimes.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,“ and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: http://www.doriswildhelmering.com.

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