I see a lot of couples for marriage counseling and although each couple has a unique set of problems, one thing stands out:

Couples who are having problems often stop doing nice things for each other. It may be that when she went shopping she used to always buy him a little present - a tie, earbuds, a half-pound of English toffee. Now she goes and buys for the children and herself. But the treats for him have stopped.

He, on the other hand, used to stop by the grocery store on the way home from work and bring her strawberries. He also used to make a point of emailing her his company’s newsletter for her to read. Now he does neither.

Here’s one technique that I’ve been suggesting to couples which brings quick, positive results and good feelings.

Get a large note pad and draw a line down the middle of the page. Write your name on one side and your mate’s on the other. Every day each of you should do three nice things for the other and write them on the paper. Your list for several days may look like this:

• Joan 11/1 Brought him coffee, picked up his cleaning, told him his haircut looked good

• Jim 11/1 Got her popcorn at the show, told her “I love you”, helped her wash windows

• Joan 11/2 Bought food for his hunting trip, bought him new wool socks, fixed him breakfast

• Jim 11/2 Gave her a back rub, made a fire when she asked, made her coffee

• Joan 11/3 Sent him a card, had a key made for his locker, made him a cherry pie

• Jim 11/3 Made dinner and cleaned up, listened to her about a job problem, told her that her blouse looked nice

• Joan 11/4 Complimented him on his tie, said “I love you”, sewed a button on his shirt

• Jim 11/4 Sent her a card, picked up milk, bought her doughnuts

The trick to this technique is to keep doing it even if you’re annoyed at your mate. And keep it in a place where you can both see it - on the kitchen counter, on the dining room table. If you have children, let them see your list. It’s good for them to know that Mom and Dad do nice things for each other.

Every couple who has used this technique has reported good results. Try it for a month. I guarantee, it works.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You” Doris’ web page: http://www.doriswildhelmering.com.