Doris Wild Helmering is a nationally known marriage and relationship counselor, weight loss expert, television and radio personality, and business management coach. She is author of nine books, 1,200 newspaper columns, six e-booklets, and has written for Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Self, and Scripps Howard News Service. She has been a guest on OPRAH, Good Morning America, and CNN. She received the Alumni Merit Award from St. Louis University for advancing the field of psychotherapy and the Woman of Achievement Award from Soroptimist International. She was awarded clinical status in the American Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association.

You can visit her website at: www.doriswildhelmering.com .

Tags: indecision | counseling | relationships | hidden agenda

Why Are Some People Indecisive?

By Friday, 24 April 2020 03:22 PM Current | Bio | Archive

No matter what, some people can’t seem to make a decision. What’s even more exasperating is that when you try to make the decision, they won’t let you.

For example: Sue asks me the other day, “Where would you like to go for lunch?”

I say, “It’s up to you.”

She says, “No. This is your day. You decide.”

I answer, “OK, how about the deli?”

She says, “I was thinking about something nicer.”

I say, “Well, how about Benos?”

She says, “It’ll probably be a long wait at this time of the day.”

I say, “That’s OK. We’ll wait and talk.”

She says, “It really may take awhile.”

I now know she has somewhere else in mind. So I ask, “Do you have another suggestion?”

She says, “You decide.”

At this point I feel like throwing myself down on the sidewalk and having a temper tantrum.

Here’s another example of an “I-won’t-make-a-decision-and-you-can’t-make-me” scenario.

My friend says, “What color do you think I should paint my bedroom?”

I say, “What color have you been thinking about?”

She says, “I really don’t know. What do you suggest?”

I say, “How about an indigo red or khaki?”

She says, “I don’t like those colors.”

I say, “Maybe something more subtle, perhaps beige with a rose tint.” (I’ve watched a lot of HGTV.)

She says, “I don’t think so.”

What I want to say to her is, “I’ll run through the entire color wheel, and when I hit on the color you’re thinking of, you tell me.”

People who play this game have two agendas although even they may not be aware of it. They want to look accommodating, so they ask your opinion. But they also want to make the decision, so they won’t take your suggestion. In this situation play three strikes and you’re out. Give three suggestions and then say, “I’m out of ideas.”

Apply this same method when dealing with your child who comes to you moaning because he or she can’t figure out what to do.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com.

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No matter what, some people can’t seem to make a decision. What’s even more exasperating is that when you try to make the decision, they won’t let you.
indecision, counseling, relationships, hidden agenda
365
2020-22-24
Friday, 24 April 2020 03:22 PM
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