When a Miss USA contestant is asked what she wants most, the answer is invariably: world peace.
Sure, that's something a crown and expensive gown will produce.
Well, so many of you sound just like that when you announce that all you want is peace with some family member or friend.
My radio program produced two examples of what really happens. The first call was from a father complaining that he and his wife have been excommunicated by her son (his stepson) and their daughter-in-law.
All he wanted was family peace but had no idea how to achieve that, as all their "reaching out" was ignored.
Of course, I have to pull teeth to get the story (which will be edited by the caller so he/they don't look bad). His story was that he thinks the daughter-in-law is a mental case. Not a good start for bringing them together.
So, I keep peeling the onion until he says that they did all sit together and he asked them what the problem was. The daughter-in-law, according to him, said that her husband's mother cried at their wedding.
Huh? Perhaps she took it as a sign that his mother was unhappy about the wedding. I asked if there was any reason she would believe that she was not welcome into the family. "No" was his answer. His wife was nothing but wonderful.
OK, moving along. The daughter in-law also said that his wife put unappealing things about her on social media and that she made a scene at the birth of her baby by trying to make sure she, and not her ex-husband (her spouse's dad), came first to see the baby.
I ended the call by saying that there was absolutely no way for this relationship to improve as they contributed nothing to the problem — it was all in her head.
He ignored the point that his stepson supported her position. There is always the possibility that he is standing by his woman in spite of how mentally disturbed she might be.
But we are still left with the possibility of the caller unwilling to admit to anything. Without that admission as a "gift," there will be no peace.
My second call made me laugh at her first line, "My feelings are hurt." After 45 or more years on radio, the most typical female complaints are "feelings hurt" and "uncomfortable with" something.
I asked her to drop the hurt feelings lead-in and tell me what happened to eliminate the peace between her, her husband, and their son and daughter-in-law. She said that they had to cancel their agreement to house/dog sit for them some 10 days before a trip.
Her excuse to them and me was that they started with a contractor working on their house and didn't want to deal with her "spoiled dogs." Now they won't talk to them, and her feelings are hurt.
I asked: "How many days before their trip did you promise to house and dog sit?" Prepare yourself: Three months!
"You mean that you bailed out on them at the last minute after they counted on you for three months?" "Yes" was her answer.
I then asked: "Did you find and pay for a dog sitting bonded substitute?" Nope.
Did you decide who would fulfill the promise — your husband or yourself — and let the other work with the contractor? Nope.
Did you put off the contracting work until you fulfilled your promise? Nope.
"So, you don't see anything wrong with what you've done? You actually believe it was OK to bail out on them without a substitute remedy? Are you really that myopic or self-centered?"
At this point there was only silence.
I told her that unless she took total responsibility for having done them wrong and demonstrated true remorse, there was no hope of reconciliation because they telegraphed their character and lack of concern for their well-being.
So, the lesson is that when someone is profoundly upset with you to the point of discontinuing contact, first look at your actions for the solution.
Newsmax December
Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Listen to Dr. Laura on SiriusXM Channel 111, Mon.–Sat. 2–6pm ET, Sun. 5–9pm ET. Read Dr. Laura's Reports — More Here.