Building Relationships One Topic at a Time: Dos and Dont's
Have you ever met someone new and felt like the two of you just "clicked?"
We "hit it off" is how you might describe the encounter to someone else, marveling at how the conversation just flowed even though the two of you were strangers — at least initially.
This type of interaction experience illustrates how whether platonic or romantic, chemistry can be formed quickly.
As part of our daily routine, when we encounter co-workers in the break room or strangers at the coffee cart, conversation is often expected, and enjoyable.
Yet even incidental social engagement may have enormous positive benefits.
Research explains:
The Enjoyment of Engagement
Andrew J. Guydish and Jean E. Fox Tree (2025) explored the impact of small talk in a videoconferencing setting, including how it helped to form relationships.
Acknowledging that small talk is a big part of conversational perception, they compared different sets of task-break conversations where the break consisted of small talk facilitated through videoconferencing, or waiting the same amount of time on the break with cameras and microphones turned off.
They found that partners who engaged in small talk enjoyed conversations more and were more willing to have future conversations with their partners.
They also found that conversational dyads who were directed to engage in small talk during breaks were three and a half times more likely to talk within the minute-long unprompted conversation period at the conclusion of the study, demonstrating how small talk can also spark the desire for continued interaction.
Strangers On a Train
As part of smart parenting, we warn our children not to talk to strangers.
But in (adult) settings that are safe and socially appropriate, small talk can produce positive results.
Guydish and Fox Tree (ibid.) remind us that one of the early conceptions of small talk was its role in helping people meet companionship needs — which is generally a positive experience.
They give the example of how people who engage in small talk on a train or bus view the commute as more positive than people who do not engage.
They note that even brief, casual conversations, such as with a coffee shop employee while ordering, produces more positive feelings than not talking.
Most of us can relate to their suggestions that such findings illustrate the positive experience of even simple engagement in conversation.
Small Talk Produces Big Results
Guydish and Fox Tree (supra) remind us of yet another benefit of simple conversation: whether personally or professionally, small talk builds rapport.
They identify ritualistic components of interaction, such as asking "How are you?" as exchanges that precede the "official business" of conversation, something many people recognize as an important part of social exchange.
They cite an example of male negotiators who were perceived as more likable and able to obtain more favorable economic outcomes than male negotiators who skipped the small talk.
And on the topic of socializing at work, Guydish and Fox Tree (supra) explain that although small talk may be distracting in a work setting, it produces more positive emotionality at the end of the workday.
And on the topic of how small talk sparks future interaction, Guydish and Fox Tree remind us that small talk makes us enjoy conversation more and allows people to engage freely outside the boundaries of well-defined roles and associated expectations, resulting in more positive experiences.
So, in order to generate chemistry and compatibility, consider the significance of small talk in any setting as an enjoyable method of engagement, as well as an investment in a future relationship.
Your conversation partners will all remember you — fondly.
This article was originally published in Psychology Today, and is used with the permission of its author.
Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets. Read more Dr. Wendy L. Patrick Insider articles — Click Here Now.