Emily Ratajkowski is getting candid about her divorce from film producer Sebastian Bear-McClard after four years of marriage.
During an appearance on the "Going Mental" podcast Thursday, the actor admitted that although she was unhappy, she did not have the strength to get out of the relationship earlier.
"I didn't have the courage to leave for a long time. I was really, really unhappy," she said, according to People. "I was like, 100 pounds, and I had just had a baby. I got really skinny 'cause I was not OK."
Ratajkowski, who shares 2-year-old Sylvester Apollo with Bear-McClard, admitted that she tried "everything," including taking antidepressants to make herself happy.
"I was sure there was something wrong with me," Ratajkowski continued. "I think so much of what I learned coming out of that relationship is to trust your instincts ... Gaslighting is a real thing," she added.
During her interview, Ratajkowski admitted that there was external pressure from society and the media to find their forever partner, which made it harder to leave.
"Every piece of media we consume from the second we are born is basically this idea of finding a partner that completes and validates you," she said.
"Plus, I had just had a child," she added, "so I really wanted to have that family, so it was especially hard for me to totally walk away."
Ratajkowski eventually found the courage to exit her marriage when a line was crossed for the last time.
"For me, it was so clear, and then it just became clearer and clearer and clearer, which was good, which was clarifying," she said, without revealing further details.
Ratajkowski and Bear-McClard exchanged vows in February 2018. They were spotted together for the first time days prior, sparking rumors of a whirlwind marriage. In an interview on "Busy Tonight" with Busy Phillips, Ratajkowski later revealed that the pair had known each other for years.
"He likes to joke, 'Yeah everyone thinks we got married quickly, but you vetted me for two years,' " she said of Bear-McClard, according to People.
In July, reports emerged that they had separated. In September Ratajkowski filed for divorce in Manhattan Supreme Court. During her appearance on Thursday's podcast, Ratajkowski said she eventually learned how to feel good alone.
"I didn't understand that it was actually going to be so nice to come back to myself," she said. "Return back to how I see the world, how I understand things, my instincts."
Zoe Papadakis ✉
Zoe Papadakis is a Newsmax writer based in South Africa with two decades of experience specializing in media and entertainment. She has been in the news industry as a reporter, writer and editor for newspapers, magazine and websites.
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