Dr. Aline Zoldbrod - Sexual Health
Dr. Aline Zoldbrod is a well-known Boston-based licensed psychologist, individual and couples therapist, and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She is the author of three commercially published books about sexuality and relationships. Her book, SexSmart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life and What to Do About It has been translated into four languages and was recognized as one of the top three sex-help books of the year. She is an adjunct faculty member at the University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program. You can find her at sexsmart.com.
Tags: womens health | sexuality | relationships | dr. zoldbrod

Three Wishes for Better Sex

Dr. Aline Zoldbrod By Wednesday, 19 June 2024 11:24 AM EDT Current | Bio | Archive

Curiosity about sex is a good thing. As a sex therapist, I’m all for it. But writing about women’s orgasms can be a bit like stepping into a hornet’s nest.

Like most things nowadays, the topic of female orgasm can be political and fraught. In addition, we just don’t have that much research on the subject, and the research we do have doesn’t always agree.

So know that what I‘m writing is based partly on my opinions and experiences with patients over decades of being a sex therapist.

If I had just one wish for women, it would be to focus on increasing their ability to experiment with and experience their own personal formula for sexual pleasure. Not on any kind of performance. Not on whether or what kind of orgasms they have. Or whether they get turned on in the “right” kind of way. There are as many women who don’t love getting their breasts touched as there are women who get turned on by having their backs scratched.

How each of us experiences sexual pleasure is our own unique recipe. If you are not clear about the myriad places on your body that might give you pleasure, consider trying my BodyMap technique.

If I had a second wish, it would be that all women grow up in family and cultural environments that allow them to develop a sense of self-esteem, power, and agency so they feel safe and confident in giving consent for sex and in asking for the specific kinds of touch they need to become aroused — before, during, and after a sexual interlude.

And my third wish would be for straight women — who tend to be more concerned about catering to their male partner’s wishes, pacing, sexual formulas, and pleasure — to be at least as focused on demanding attention to their own sexual pleasure path.

Many of my straight patients who were having trouble reaching orgasm had to learn that they did not have to go ahead with intercourse as soon as their partner became erect. Erections come and go, and it’s possible that a man will lose his erection in the process of really focusing on his female partner’s pleasure. But his erection can come back, often with stimulation, and at that point both partners will be aroused, leading to orgasm.

It’s common for sex therapists to work with women who want to have better or more consistent orgasms. A large part of what sex therapists can offer women is reassurance that whatever they are experiencing, they’re normal.

Most of the literature has concluded that at least 75 percent — and perhaps as much as 94 percent — of women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone. They need extra help, usually clitoral touch that is manual or oral. In addition, it is normal for orgasmic abilities to vary. Less than half of women have orgasms every time they have sex. And that’s okay, as long as they experience pleasure.

So focus on understanding and advocating for what gives you pleasure. And don't give yourself performance anxiety by becoming a perfectionist about your orgasm.

© 2024 NewsmaxHealth. All rights reserved.

Curiosity about sex is a good thing. As a sex therapist, I’m all for it. But writing about women’s orgasms can be a bit like stepping into a hornet’s nest.
womens health, sexuality, relationships, dr. zoldbrod
Wednesday, 19 June 2024 11:24 AM
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