Fun Without Winning Is Disappointing but Satisfying
Winning and Having Fun . . . Well, You Can’t Beat That
Let’s talk about competition. Why do some people love to compete?
The experience of competition produces material rewards (trophies, money), social status, and psychological rewards.
When we can achieve something that others cann't, there's a wonderful feeling of satisfaction, selfworth, pride, and specialness.
Of course, these are all good things. However, just like salt in soup: a little is great, too much is horrible.
When a person constantly competes, OCD style, it is usually due to a struggle with deep insecurities; instead of feeling secure in their own achievements, they seek validation by outdoing others.
Striving to be better and even the best is a good thing.
However, if you over compete with yourself — in other words, never experience that wonderful feeling of doing great but keep demanding more and more — then that is profoundly unhealthy and often leads to depression and substance abuse.
In fact, perhaps you drive yourself in most aspects of your life.
Striving for a personal best is healthy; never accepting the reality of universal limits is obviously unhealthy.
Now let’s look at what happens when competitiveness becomes perverse.
Over competitiveness often manifests as overcommitment and overwork, as you keep proving and proving. At some point, you might just freeze up as you resist goals as a way of not ever falling short.
The bottom line here?
When competitiveness becomes your main drive, you will lose relationships, lose pleasure in the basic competition, and feel worthless until you win.
This topic came to mind because I've recently experienced a dramatic change in my own sailboat competitive racing.
I've been racing sailboats (as skipper/driver) for 25 years and have a lot of wins under my belt.
This last year was a misery and practically turned me off altogether to sailboat racing.
One of my crew was so reactive and angry so often that the fun was drained out of the experience. But we won and won a lot.
I said many times that winning without fun was not interesting to me.
Fun without winning is disappointing but satisfying. Winning and having fun . . . well, you can't beat that.
We were largely winning without fun.
Finally, I had had enough and moved that individual off the boat, and with that, a drop in motivation to continue racing.
Frankly, I was tired of the stress, even after removing that person.
I have an optimized J122 sailboat, and when I say optimized, I mean it is the best rigged and prepared J122 race boaton the planet.
I always have my boats optimized within legal limits and put a lot of love and attention into maintenance. It is now up for sale to someone who appreciates a fine racing machine.
I had put my other, smaller, slower boat into storage, just in case.
I am taking it out of mothballs and will race her, staying with the group of sailors who are top of the food chain.
Why?
It will be fun to go up against faster boats that are brilliantly sailed.
I will have the slowest boat in the group.
Chances of winning are small, but think about it: getting second or third in a very competitive group will be amazing!
Take away the expectation of having to win because of the quality of the boat, and it becomes true competition.
It means that we must maximize our knowledge and crew work, etc., and every inch forward is a win.
That is my stress-free logic, and I am back to looking forward to racing again.
Competition can be exhilarating and demoralizing.
It all depends on whether you measure yourself harshlyor not.
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