Getting Way Beyond Beauty: How Men and Women Select Partners Is Significant
"Beauty is only skin deep."
Many have heard this classic old saying, which still applies today!
Indeed, visual appeal continues to be a big part of physical attraction, at least initially.
Other qualities are very important when sparking romance beyond superficial appeal, such as kindness, honesty, compassion, compatibility, and of course the way a prospective partner makes us feel about ourselves.
Many daters are faced with a mix of positive traits to analyze, both physical and emotional. But research has gone further, investigating what qualities matter to prospective partners in the absence of physical attraction.
Beyond Beauty
Kaitlyn P. White et al. (2021) analyzed how men and women make mating decisions without physical attraction.
They begin by acknowledging the reality that highly attractive potential partners may be in short supply, forcing singles to broaden their perspective.
The participants in their study rated images of unattractive opposite-sex individuals for long-term and short-term relationships, after they learned either favorable or unfavorable information about them.
They found that although the participants were all swayed by what they learned, preferring partners with favorable information, in general, the men in their study were more willing than women to have casual sex.
The Power of Positive Qualities
Most daters can relate to the reality that sometimes, a partner becomes more attractive the more we learn about them.
Over time, qualities like easygoing personality, positivity, and even sense of humor create chemistry even in the absence of stunning good looks.
The opposite can be true as well, with difficult traits and disagreeable temperament snuffing out a spark even with an attractive partner.
Sure enough, White et al. (ibid.) found that learning unfavorable information was linked with less desire for target individuals than learning positive information, but also found that women’s lack of interest did not depend on mating context, where men found such targets particularly undesirable for a long-term relationship.
Regarding the value of positive attributes, White et al. (supra) found that men were willing to consider a long-term relationship with a physically unattractive partner who possessed positive qualities.
Regarding short-term satisfaction, White et al. (supra) found that men were more interested in pursuing casual sex with individuals who had limited physical appeal, regardless of what other types of qualities they had, and were also more willing than women were to form a serious relationship with partners low in attractiveness, but only if they had other desirable qualities, such as being kind to strangers or dressing well.
In contrast, women lacked interest in physically unattractive people regardless of mating context, and without regard to what type of relationship they were seeking.
Perceiving Prospective Partners as a Package
Dating websites showcase plenty of photos, some of which are considerably out of date.
Not surprisingly, the most productive method of getting to know someone new is a process, not a quick perception.
Chemistry is built through in-person contact, developing a sense of comfort, and testing compatibility.
Despite whatever accolades or qualifications appear in a dating profile, personal interaction reveals true personality and character.
Considering the value of positive qualities beyond physical appearance, looking below the surface is time well spent evaluating partner preference.
Safe, smart dating includes meeting in public not private, preferring a crowded coffee shop to a secluded cocktail lounge, but also noting that spending time together permits perception of a prospective paramour beyond what is immediately visible.
Smart, healthy, wholesome relationships are formed over time, so instead of rushing romance, date at a reasonable pace, respectfully and responsibly.
This article was originally published in Psychology Today, and is used with the permission of its author.
Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of "Live with Dr. Wendy" on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick's Reports — More Here.
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