Gore's Inner Thoughts

The way I see it I really can’t lose this whole thing. I have three Florida court cases running simultaneously this week. There’s the ‘contest’ case that Judge Sauls – Boy, what a character he is, eh? Does he love his 15 minutes of fame or what? – is going to rule on this morning. David Boies assures me that even if Andy of Mayberry Sauls finds against me, we’ve got plenty of good material for an immediate appeal.

The whole U.S. Supreme Court case means nada to me. Either way, I’m contesting the election. It’s either 930 or 537 votes. That’s the only difference. The hype by the media over that case is nuts!

Then comes Super Wednesday … yeah, I know everyone calls that big primary day in March Super Tuesday, but this Wednesday in two courtrooms in the same courthouse we’re gonna have two different judges hearing similar absentee ballot cases right down the hall from each other. When one recesses, the lawyers are going to scramble down the hall and argue the other case! Wild, eh?

And the two judges couldn’t be different. One is Terry Lewis, the same fella who upheld Katherine Harris’ decision to certify on Nov. 14. He’s pretty conservative.

Then there is Nikki Ann Clark, the judge handling the Seminole County absentee case. She was just rejected by Jebbie "little brother" Bush for a spot on the Appeals Court only three weeks ago. Boy, are the Bushies and the Republicans nervous about her!

I wonder if Jesse and Donna Brazile have been in touch with her or those close to her? Hmmmm …

So those three cases – Sauls, Lewis and Clark – make up my last best shot. If only one of the three comes through, then I’m going to get enough votes to go ahead.

Of course Jebbie, W, and the Florida State Legislature are then going to try to again steal the election by passing a slate of electors and ramming that deal through – despite the fact that I won the Florida vote!

That is my secret strategy. Haven’t even told Tipper. I actually

Because when all is said and done, such an act is going to make me unstoppable in four years. I am going to be a

I won the national popular vote – hey, have you noticed how even Rush isn’t mentioning that my lead is actually

And then the Bush Brothers – with the complicity of the national GOP and GOP-controlled House – stole it from me! Whew! We’ll win back the House and Senate ‘Big Time’ – to quote Cheney – in 2002. My party will have me and my persistence to thank for that. We may recapture the governorship of Florida, too, thanks to my gutty decision to slog it out. Little Brother may be toast after this mess.

Then, in 2004, Bush will be so damaged that his own party will have a tough primary against him. Some conservative will take him on and get 33 percent of the primary vote – just like Buchanan did in 1992 against Poppie.

Meanwhile, I’ll coast to the nomination. Who else is there? Hillary? Ha! I have so much on her she wouldn’t dare run. Remember those ‘missing e-mails’? You ought to see what’s on them! Whew! Talk about X-rated!

No, 2004 is in the bag – if I don’t make it this time.

That’s why I am smiling so much these days. And why W really stands for "Worried."

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