Earlier today, Vice President Mike Pence gave a speech at the Pentagon about creating Trump’s Space Force. Pence began the speech by saying, “I can’t believe I have to do this.”

Actually, Pence said the military will start forming the U.S. Space Force by the end of 2018. Then Trump was like, “Consider it my going away present.”

We finally learned about the Space Force chain of command. According to Trump, it’ll go, “E.T., Yoda, then Groot.”

Rudy Giuliani told CNN the Russia investigation could help Republicans in the midterms because Americans are getting tired of all the drama. Then America was like, “We’ve had 62 seasons of ‘Real Housewives’ — we NEVER get tired of drama.”

Some people think all of Giuliani’s interviews are meant to distract and confuse people about the real issues. Even Trump was like, “It’s working — I have absolutely NO IDEA what’s going on.”

It just came out that when she worked in the White House, Omarosa secretly recorded Trump on her phone. I don’t know what’s crazier — the fact that people keep recording the president, or that Omarosa worked in the White House.

Nintendo fans are worried about Mario’s brother, Luigi, because in a trailer for a new game, he appears as a ghost. They said 30 years of jumping “groin-first” into a flagpole must’ve finally caught up to him.

SeaWorld is letting 125 employees go. Or as the animals put it, “Must be nice.”

It was announced today that first lady Melania Trump's parents are now officially U.S. citizens. They passed their citizenship test when they were asked, “Who's the president of the United States?” and they replied, “Our idiot son-in-law.”
 

In an interview last night, Rudy Giuliani said the Russia investigation is going to lead to very big reforms, just like Watergate, saying it will be, quote, "A different kind of Watergate, it's on the side of the investigator." He then continued, "Yeah, this Trump thing is just like Watergate. No, not THAT kind of Watergate, a reverse Watergate. I should have never said Watergate. Why did I say Watergate? Stupid Rudy, stupid!"

According to sources within the White House, many Defense Department officials do not support President Trump's push to create a military space force. Kind of like how you don't let your kid pick what car you buy.

Following the launch of his own charter school, nearly 14,000 people have signed an online petition to make LeBron James the secretary of education, even though we already have one. "Who is it now?” asked Betsy DeVos.

The New York Times has reported $24 million in profit for the second quarter this year. "You're supposed to report profit?" asked Paul Manafort.

The NFL's Arizona Cardinals have launched a new competition where fans can win a team jersey and get their photo on the scoreboard if they eat a burger consisting of five patties, five hot dogs, five bratwursts, eight slices of bacon, eight chicken tenders, 12 ounces of fries, lettuce, pickles, sauce, and 20 slices of cheese in under an hour. Said one fan, "Ugh, lettuce?"

A beach near San Francisco yesterday hosted the annual world dog surfing championships. And just like last year, the surfers had a really hard time staying on their dogs.

Construction workers recently found a 124-year-old time capsule underneath a school in Massachusetts that contains two newspapers, silver war medals, and the first season of "Grey's Anatomy."

Auntie Anne's has announced it will begin selling pumpkin spice pretzel nuggets next month. So if you like pumpkin spice and you like eating at the mall… you could probably use some good news.

New research has found that settlers of North America took more than one route to get to the continent. Unfortunately, the ones who used Apple Maps didn't make it.

According to a new article, former White House aide and "Apprentice" star Omarosa is in possession of secretly recorded conversations she had with President Trump. This is all part of the run-up to the release of her new tell-all book, "Unhinged." This is just shocking. Imagine a cartoonish reality-show villain getting that kind of access to the Oval Office. And then having Omarosa tape them.

First it was his lawyer who secretly recorded him, now it's Omarosa. This is going to be the first time a court case will be delayed for having TOO MUCH evidence.

A man in Florida was recently arrested after running into a liquor store with an alligator and chasing people who were shopping there. I'm just going to say it: This emotional support animal thing has officially gone too far.

A liquor store and a live alligator. If only this man had been naked, we would've had a Florida trifecta. It was so close, so close!

The whole thing was pretty embarrassing, though. The next morning, he had to do the croc of shame.

Obviously, every reporter wants to talk to this guy. He's really getting swamped. Wow!