Today is the one-year anniversary of the start of Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation. President Trump celebrated the way he honors all his anniversaries — he forgot.
The royal wedding is this Saturday. After the ceremony, Harry and Meghan will ride around in a carriage to wave at the public. While the guests will be back at the reception going, “When the hell are they going feed us?”
A lot of celebrities are going to be at the royal wedding this weekend, like Serena Williams and the Spice Girls. But Yanni had to RSVP no. He said, “I think I got the invitation by mistake. This envelope was addressed to Laurel.”
Levi’s just released a smart jacket that lets you know when your Uber arrives. It’s great for people who love to have all the latest gadgets — except a phone.
Today was the one-year anniversary of the Russia investigation, and President Trump marked the occasion by tweeting, “Congratulations, America, we are now into the second year of the greatest witch hunt in American history.” I gotta to say, I’m excited because season two is when they start killing off the characters nobody likes.
According to The New York Times, a TV show featuring Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti and former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci was recently pitched to two cable networks. The show is called “The Very Good Lawyer and Anthony Scaramucci.”
The White House announced today that President Trump would donate his first quarter’s salary to the Department of Veterans Affairs. It’s just a little less money than he’s given to veterans of his affairs.
The CDC has announced that romaine lettuce is safe to eat again. So, I guess that’s what passes for good news these days. Romaine’s back!
IKEA’s launching a new credit card that offers rewards and perks for frequent customers, but it is a bitch to put together!
Scientists claim to have succeeded transplanting a memory from the brain of one sea snail and implanting it into another. Or, more likely, snails live pretty similar lives.
Today marks the one-year anniversary of special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation. This morning, Donald Trump marked the occasion by tweeting: “Congratulations America, we are now into the second year of the greatest witch hunt in American history... And there is still no collusion and no obstruction.” When Melania saw the tweet she was like, “Oh, so you are capable of remembering anniversaries?”
Trump’s communicating like your passive aggressive roommate who leaves a note on the dishes in the sink. “Congratulations, Lisa, we are now into the second year of the greatest dirty dish pile-up in this apartment’s history. P.S. Glad to see you’re enjoying my new shampoo.”
In other Trump news, the president’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani continues to give troublesome interviews. Last night on Fox News, Giuliani said that Trump couldn’t have colluded with the Russians, because if they had given him dirt on Hillary, he would have used it. Never a good sign when your lawyer’s defense is, “Your honor, my clients tried to commit a treasonous crime, but they were too stupid to actually pull it off.”
According to a new report, some middle-class women have started hosting dinner parties around a new trend called “brieing.” Brieing is where the women consume the drug MDMA, also known as Molly, wrapped in brie cheese. It’s about time hiding drugs in soft cheeses wasn’t just for the family dog.
Coincidentally, brie and Molly are also the names of most of the women that are doing this. To middle-class women brieing is a fun time. To the rest of society, this is known as a Class-A misdemeanor.