"Avengers: Infinity War" pulled in $640 million worldwide. That works out to a million dollars for each superhero in the movie.

Porn star Stormy Daniels is suing President Trump for defamation for something he said in a tweet. When they heard this, Muslims, African-Americans, gays, and Hillary Clinton said, "You can do that?"

President Trump welcomed the president of Nigeria to the White House. The meeting started awkwardly when Trump said, "C'mon in, Kanye!"

Pinterest has a new feature that makes it more accessible to blind people. And not to be outdone, Tinder is adding a voice that tells blind people, "This person is fatter in real life."

The tree planted on the White House lawn by President Trump and French President Macron has been removed and taken away. After hearing about it, Melania disguised herself as a tree.

"Avengers: Infinity War" had the biggest box office opening of all time. Which is good, because if it bombed, nobody wanted to be the one to tell The Hulk.

Saturday was the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and Trump called it a very big, boring bust. This is the first time in history Trump has called a big bust boring.

Some people got upset at the dinner when comedian Michelle Wolf made fun of members of the Trump administration. The president was furious. He was like, "Nobody makes a mockery of my staff except me.”

The royal family just announced the name of William and Kate's newborn son, Louis Arthur Charles. I guess they couldn't decide on a royal-sounding name, so they just went with all of them.

Amazon is raising the price of its prime membership by $20. Which sounds like a lot, until you remember what it feels like to make eye contact with a cashier when you buy a 40-pack of toilet paper.

At a rally in Michigan this weekend, President Trump asked the crowd, quote, "Any Hispanics in the room?" And it's a little alarming that he was holding a net.

At the same rally, President Trump claimed that nobody knows what a community college is. Sure, they do. It's where Michael Cohen went to law school.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi raised over $15 million for Democrats in the first quarter of 2018. No word on how she raised the money, [shows photo of wide-eyed Pelosi] but I'm going to guess she won it in a staring contest.

In a new interview, French first lady Brigitte Macron said that first lady Melania Trump is, quote, "actually really fun." Although, any time you throw in “actually” like that, it’s probably not true. “This flourless chocolate cake is actually pretty good.” “I actually like your bangs.” “Melania actually wants to be married to Trump.”

North Korea has announced plans to change time zones to line up with South Korea. Which means that North Koreans will have to set their clocks ahead — 100 years.

A new study found that one in four Americans said they would have sex with a robot at least once just to try it. Which might explain why your Roomba won't come out from under the couch.

Saturday night was the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner and once again, President Trump did not attend. And today he seemed to be upset about the jokes directed at his staff, because this morning he tweeted, "The White House Correspondents' Dinner is dead." Then again, can you call anything that's only televised on C-SPAN alive?

Comedian Michelle Wolf hosted the dinner, did the most amazing job. During the dinner, she mocked journalists and politicians. So you can see why Trump was upset — she's stealing his act.

Trump declared the correspondents' dinner dead. But saying it's dead is what everyone does when they don't go to something. I've been saying Coachella is dead for the past 10 years.

Trump skipped the correspondent’s dinner on Saturday night, and instead hosted a rally in Michigan. Trump said he'd rather be around people who loved him, so he went to Michigan and left behind the White House press corps and Melania.

Marvel's "Avengers: Infinity War" broke the [domestic] box-office record for opening weekend with $250 million in ticket sales. $250 million — that's nearly one dollar for every character.

That's so much money, The Hulk is finally able to afford anger management classes. That's so much money, Iron Man is going to be Gold Man. That's so much money, in the next movie they're adding at least two more Hemsworths.

Scientists in Australia just announced that the world's oldest known spider has died. The spider died at the age of 43 and is survived by 75 bazillion children.

If you're wondering how they knew how old the spider was, they could tell she was 43 because she would not shut up about SoulCycle.