Probably the most inspirational poem ever written is "If" by Rudyard Kipling.
In one unique poem Kipling provides advice on how one should lead one’s life to become a quality human being. One of the challenges he tackles is "failure."
"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same. . . "
There is so much in that short "if": Success and failure are subjective designations and usually quite fleeting. Becoming overly enthralled with success or overly disheartened by failure is to miss the point on the quality of character in an ongoing life.
This poem came to mind in the middle of a call from a mother about her 9-year-old son.
He plays ball on a team. She relayed that every time he does not win, he gets upset.
As his loving mother, she wanted my advice on how to soothe him and prevent him from getting agitated. I said it was understandable that, as his mother, she would be very concerned about his feelings.
We women are neurologically programmed for nurturing, and that is part of the balance that all children need to develop in a healthy manner. The other part of the balance is a focus on character. And that is where the poem comes in.
Generally, the feminine perspective is on feelings and the masculine perspective is on character. That is why you see mothers kissing the boo-boo and fathers checking the boo-boo and telling the children that they are fine and should get up and continue with the day.
I gave her some suggestions on how to approach her son in the future:
1.) Tell your son that loss and win should have the same face to the competitors: gracious. When you win, be gracious to those who lost, and when you lose, be gracious to those who won. That is character.
2.) Examine by yourself and with the team why you lost. Did the other team win because they played better? Are there some skills you and the team need to practice?
Every game has some "luck" moments — typically for both sides.
Don’t pout about luck moments, as they are a fact of life.
Helping him "feel" better really means teaching him/ her these concepts.
It does feel better to congratulate the winning team — all smiles and handshakes.
Helping him with his feelings should not focus only on the moment.
Those moments of triumph and disaster are just two of millions of moments in your child’s life. Teaching your child how to deal with life comes from showing your child that each moment is not an end in itself, but rather a brick in a very long road.
If kids go up and down severely with the thrill of the win and the pain of loss, it will just wreak havoc with their psyches. And this may also lead to drug use to temper the roller coaster of their lives.
The mother had not told me that her son was right next to her listening to our conversation. I asked her his response and she said: "He is smiling and nodding yes."
Mission accomplished, and next mission anticipated.
Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Listen to Dr. Laura on SiriusXM Channel 111, Mon.–Sat. 2–6pm ET, Sun. 5–9pm ET. Read Dr. Laura's Reports — More Here.
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