So, when is Christmas?
To most in the West, it’s Dec. 25, as per the Gregorian calendar.
For the Eastern Orthodox, it falls on Jan. 7, in line with the Julian calendar.
But in the Pelosian calendar of American Democrats, Christmas is on Jan. 6.
The reason for this season is a subject of debate among scholars.
Some argue that the Democrats’ Christmas narrative borrows from ancient pagan myths, —works of fiction — such as "How the Russkies Stole the 2016 Election" and "Believe All Women Against Kavanaugh."
Others cite the historical evidence of the arrival of three wise men:
James B. Comey, Robert S. Mueller, and Michael J. Avenatti.
Having played Santa Claus at the taxpayer’s expense, they eventually vanished as if they never existed.
One of them, though, reached for the stars, only to end up behind bars.
Was this a case of no good deed going unpunished?
No, it was simply the inevitable end of a career crook.
Another pagan influence behind the Jan. 6 narrative seems to be the children’s game "Capture the Flag."
This myth suggests that to overturn 21st century U.S. democracy, all it takes is a group of rowdy misfits invading the Capitol Building and seizing Nancy Pelosi’s lectern.
Securing the lectern should have led to the Armed Forces recognizing their supremacy and swearing allegiance to the QAnon Shaman as commander in chief.
Congress would then dissolve, replaced by a military junta led by the infamous Bad Orange Man.
This is how close American democracy came to a complete debacle on Jan. 6, 2021.
The fantastical narratives surrounding Jan. 6 are nothing short of an insult to our collective intelligence, clearly crafted for cheap political gain.
Yet, in the spirit of the season, we must practice tolerance.
Just as the Japanese created "Godzilla" to process the trauma of nuclear devastation, Democrats have developed Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) as a coping mechanism.
Despite Trump’s term ending — miraculously — without the rise of an autocratic dictatorship, Democrats remained entrenched in their fixation, consumed by the apparent disinterest of the presumed fascist.
Just like Italo Calvino’s Tartars, it was the drawn-out, embarrassing, almost intolerable delay in striking that was the real slap in the face.
Fearing the anticlimax and constrained by their own short attention spans, Democrats felt compelled to invent a tragedy to preserve their dignity.
Thus, Jan. 6 became Trump’s "crossing the Rubicon" moment.
Drawing parallels between Rome and the United States is often as misguided as it is entertaining. Yet, the prospect of a populist uprising causing panic among the elite is too compelling to ignore.
Julius Caesar and Donald Trump, both supposed to be optimates, were never really accepted by their peers, turning to populism in a bid to challenge the prevailing uniparty system.
They occupied the highest offices, left peacefully, and retreated to proverbial swampy provinces. Nevertheless, they remained highly popular, drawing large crowds and the envy of the political class.
Both endured persecution by the ruling gerontocracy.
Caesar faced charges for raising an illegal legion, which, in the Roman context, is akin to being accused of political campaign fraud. Each had their own Spartacus to contend with, Trump’s being the less legendary Sen. Cory Booker, D-N.J.
History, often skewed by survivorship bias, might portray them as architects of the inevitable tragedies afflicting their nations — Caesar for destroying the Roman Republic, Trump for dismantling America’s democracy.
Future anthropologists might even say the two-faced Roman god Janus, looking to both past and future — after whom Julius Caesar named the month of January — was the true inspiration behind "Make America Great Again" (MAGA).
But Trump is a Caesar who never crossed the Rubicon.
Instead, he stands trial, not for attacking democracy, but for refusing to drink the hemlock for having corrupted the blue-collar masses.
His true transgression was liberating the captive working class, leaving the liberals hostage to an increasingly authoritarian claque, haunted by paranoia about the boogeyman under the bed and driven by a personal vendetta.
Some secretly wishing for a replay of the "Ides of March," but this time in November.
The truth is in the "covfefe" — vengeance’s the real reason for the season.
For those not consumed by it, January 6th is just the sixth day of the rest of our lives. The renewed disposition of the New Year has already started to wane, with the days beginning to merge again.
A day when neither the Bastille falls nor the Allies storm Normandy.
Just another day when the Earth didn’t stand still.
(A related column may be found here.)
Cauf Skiviers writes about philosophy, economics, politics, and things that lie between the inconceivable and the undesirable. His reports also appear at: https://cauf.substack.com.
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