In Pennsylvania, a pro-life congressman is accused of asking his mistress to get an abortion so his wife wouldn't find out about his affair. He defended himself saying, "Hey, when I said I'm pro-life, I meant I'm pro-MY-life."

Historians say that if Prince Harry marries his girlfriend Meghan Markle it will be groundbreaking for the British royal family. Not because Markle's of mixed race, but because they're not related.

It's been reported that last summer, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a "moron" and then was talked out of resigning by Mike Pence. Pence's exact words were "Don't quit, that moron needs you."

Byron Scott, a former coach of the Lakers, had his home broken into and money and valuables stolen. Afterwards, Scott said, "It could be worse, I could still be the coach of the Lakers."

Former boxing champion George Foreman has challenged former action star Steven Seagal to fight him in the ring. And the winner will be our next president.

In France, someone has installed the first ever "Raw Oyster Vending Machine." It's being called innovative by seafood lovers, and the best idea ever by bacteria.

NBC News had a story this morning that claimed Secretary of State Rex Tillerson insulted Donald Trump's intelligence. While normally the president is very thick-skinned about this sort of thing, I guess this morning it bothered him. He went on a tweet rage that started at 7:29 a.m.

NBC News reported that during a Cabinet meeting in July, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a moron. If Trump is upset Rex Tillerson called him a moron, wait till he finds out what the rest of the country has been calling him.

According to NBC, Tillerson was on the verge of resigning after that. But Mike Pence talked him out of it. The story was confirmed by CNN, which meant Rex Tillerson, now knowing Donald Trump sees this, had to call a quick press conference this morning to address it before our five-year-old president had a temper tantrum.

"First, my commitment to the success of our president and our country is as strong as it was the day I accepted his offer to serve as secretary of state. The vice president has never had to persuade me to remain as secretary of state because I have never considered leaving this post"… until today.

He's never considered leaving the post? If you work in the Trump White House and you haven't considered leaving, you're either asleep or you're Ben Carson.

This is the first administration where Cabinet secretaries regularly hold press conferences to announce they're not quitting. Usually happens just before they quit. I wish he would have said, "Of course I called him a moron. Everyone calls him a moron. We go around the West Wing going, 'How's the moron today?'"

We have former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton on the show tonight! I told her it's an honor to have her here, and I can't wait to chat — and she said, "Dude, I'm just here to see Miley."

That's right, both Hillary Clinton AND Miley Cyrus are here. Yep, one recorded a song about a wrecking ball — and the other got more votes than one.

But we're very happy Hillary's here. Backstage, I asked her if she wanted a drink and she said, "Anything but a White Russian."

It just came out that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a "moron" and threatened to quit. You can tell the situation's a mess, cuz Trump started throwing paper towels at it.

It turns out Mike Pence gave Rex Tillerson a "pep talk" to get him to stay on as secretary of State. Cuz nothing screams "pep" like a talk from Mike Pence.

But after it came out that Tillerson called Trump a "moron," Tillerson held a press conference and called the president "smart." Then he said, "Do you think the moron bought it?"

Former first lady Michelle Obama yesterday criticized the lack of diversity in Congress. Said Congress, "Not true! We have white men from 50 different states!"

According to ProPublica, Ivanka and Donald Trump Jr. were on the verge of being indicted for felony fraud in 2012. "But I'm too pretty to go to jail!" said the one who isn't.

According to a recent report, the price of legal marijuana has dropped by almost 19 percent this year. Said marijuana users, "Nineteen percent... of what?"

NBC News reported this morning that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson nearly resigned back in July due to conflicts with President Trump. But Tillerson held an impromptu press conference today to deny the story. Now Tillerson, you may recall, is the former CEO of Exxon Mobil. So, he's used to pretending that nothing is wrong after a damaging toxic leak.

Also in that NBC story, this is the best of it, it was reported that Tillerson had called Trump a "moron." Yeah. So I guess Tillerson isn't so much secretary of state as he is secretary of stating the obvious.

When reporters asked whether it was true that he called Trump a moron, Tillerson said quietly, "I'm not going to deal with petty stuff like that." Which means he definitely called Trump a moron. That is basically an admission of guilt in any situation.

An article published today revealed that Ivanka and Donald Trump Jr. were nearly indicted for fraud back in 2012 for misleading investors. You know what they say — the apple doesn't fall far from the guy who stole a bunch of apples.

The charges were mysteriously dropped after the district attorney received a $25,000 donation to his re-election campaign from, you guessed it, Donald Trump's personal attorney. I know, can you believe that? Meanwhile, Eric Trump has an airtight alibi — he had been left at home with a coloring book.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have some shocking news. There's chaos in the Trump White House. I didn't know there were enough people left to qualify for chaos.

It all started this morning, when NBC News reported that over the summer, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson openly disparaged Trump by referring to him as a "moron" after a meeting at the Pentagon. Hold on there, Rex! Nobody calls our president a moron except me! And other world leaders. And, ultimately, history.

Of course, Donald Trump is dealing with huge issues right now — Puerto Rico, Las Vegas, sadly, North Korea — so, naturally, he kept his eye on the ball and let this Tillerson story pass. I'm just kidding! This morning he tweeted, “NBC news is #FakeNews and even more dishonest than CNN. They are a disgrace to good reporting.” What's lovely is that in times of trouble, Donald Trump always is there — for himself.