After yesterday’s closely fought Super Bowl, the Patriots were congratulated by Donald Trump. And the Falcons got a call from Hillary saying, “Welcome to my world, fellas.”

According to a report, Mark Wahlberg left the Super Bowl during the third quarter because the Patriots were losing. He didn’t leave alone; the Falcons' defense went with him.

Yesterday shortly after the Super Bowl, a brand-new dad named his baby after Tom Brady. Yeah, the baby’s name is Lucky Bastard Jones. Good name for a kid.

President Trump has sworn off McDonald’s and KFC. Not only that, he’s trying to get Chipotle deported.

Ninety-seven tech companies have filed a legal brief opposing Donald Trump’s travel ban. Took a week though because all their IT guys were detained at the airport.

Drug dealers are now stamping individually wrapped heroin packets with Donald Trump’s face. So finally a Trump-branded product that people actually want to buy. It’s selling like crazy.

The New England Patriots made what turned out to be the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history to beat the Atlanta Falcons in overtime last night. Who doesn’t like to see the overdogs win?

Just like the election — a rich white guy married to a model from another country, who seemingly had no chance of winning, actually did win.

The Falcons were up 21-3 at halftime. And then Lady Gaga got the Patriots all fired up and they came out and that comeback really was — I am now 100 percent convinced that Tom Brady is one of those “Westworld” robots.

Advertisers paid more than $5 million for a 30-second commercial, which seems like too much money to remind us that avocados exist. Isn’t running an ad for avocados on Super Bowl Sunday too late? It’s the one day of the year we’re already eating avocados.

We’d rather waste that money on a commercial for dip you will make maybe twice a year.

Last night Tom Brady’s jersey went missing. The jersey Tom Brady wore during the game, he stuffed it in his bag; when he was collecting his stuff, it was not in the bag anymore, it’s gone. The game was in Houston, so the lieutenant governor of Texas today asked the Texas Rangers — the real Texas Rangers, not the baseball team — to help the Houston Police Department find Tom Brady’s jersey. It’s only a matter of time before President Trump calls the National Guard in on this.

Mark Wahlberg left early, so he didn’t steal it. Maybe it was the equipment manager Brady blamed for deflating those footballs. I hope it was him, because he deserves that $500,000 or whatever they’re going to get for it.

Congratulations to the New England Patriots, who won their fifth Super Bowl last night. You can tell that they’ve won a lot because when the commissioner presented the trophy, they just said, "Eh, just throw it in the car."

Last night was also the first Super Bowl to ever go into overtime. Millions of Americans were like, "Great, more awkward small talk with my brother-in-law."

That’s right, it was the first Super Bowl to ever go into overtime, which means right when George H.W. Bush was getting in bed they called and said, "We need you for another coin toss."

The world’s most expensive Lego brick, made out of 14 karat gold, just sold online for $15,000. The new owner says he’s pleased to add it to his collection and it just got vacuumed up by his mom.

"50 Shades Darker" just released a new immersive virtual reality experience that claims to take you inside the movie. Or as wives everywhere put it, "Here’s my credit card. Why don't you and the kids go to the mall for a couple of hours?"

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was named Super Bowl MVP last night. Donald Trump was also named MVP, but it stood for “Mrs. Vladimir Putin.”

A man ate 409 chicken wings to become champion of Philadelphia’s Wing Bowl over the weekend, which was unfortunately too many words to fit on his tombstone.

On Saturday, Trump faced his third weekend straight of nationwide protests, including at his Palm Beach resort, Mar-a-Lago, where he was staying. Will the protests get to Trump? Well, a longtime ally, Roger Stone, told Politico, “Donald used to come and go as he pleases, and now he can’t and he has protesters on top of that. Mar-a-Lago is like an oasis for him. But if he feels he can’t go there to unwind, I wonder if it will make him go crazy.” Make him go crazy? Has this been the sane version of Trump this whole time?

On Sunday, a deputy White House press secretary told CBS News, “Trump has some meetings and may play a few holes of golf.” Which isn’t a big deal. All presidents play golf. It’s a presidential sport. You wouldn’t want your president playing football.” Though, if Trump did, that would explain the concussion symptoms.

Everyone watch the Super Bowl last night? Incredible. Full of surprises. The biggest comeback in Super Bowl history. Atlanta hasn’t been burned this badly since 1864.

The Falcons were running away with it. I almost turned it off. It was 28-3. Then in the third quarter, FBI Director James Comey announced he was opening an investigation into Matt Ryan’s emails. He claims it had no effect — I think it did. It rattled Ryan, clearly.

The game is fun, but we all know everyone really tunes in for Bill O’Reilly’s interview with President Trump. Of course O’Reilly asked about the administration’s head coach, Vladimir Putin. [plays clip] O’Reilly: “Do you respect Putin?” Trump: “I do respect him.” O’Reilly: “Putin’s a killer.” Trump: “We've got a lot killers. What, do you think our country’s so innocent?” Ooh, I know that one: Yes!

A president of the United States said, “You think our country’s so innocent?” Has there ever been a president who hates America more? I mean, besides Jefferson Davis.