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Tuesday Sep 06 2016

The Tonight Show Starring with Kimmel

Labor Day Weekend is always kind of sad to me. Summer's over. Good-bye fun sandals and flirty tops, hello pictures of kids wearing backpacks on Facebook.

Did you see Donald Trump dancing at the gospel church? Donald Trump this weekend, as part of his new initiative to woo African-American voters, visited the Great Faith Ministries Church in Detroit. He said he was there to listen. I don't know what he was listening to but based on his dancing, it clearly wasn't music.

After three weddings you'd think he'd have learned how to dance. I bet if you asked him if he's a good dancer he'd say, "Yeah, I'm the best, nobody dances like me." And it's true, nobody does dance like that.



The Tonight Show Starring with Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, in China, President Obama had a meeting with Vladimir Putin. And before they started, Obama texted Michelle: "Going into a meeting, love you." While Putin texted the same thing to Donald Trump.

A photo of Obama greeting Putin is going viral, because people think they're giving each other the death stare. I feel like both guys were just thinking, "Oof, he's gotten old."

A lot of people were saying President Obama was snubbed by China when they didn't have the stairs ready for him to get off the plane. In fact, Donald Trump said that if that ever happened to him, he'd just close the plane doors and leave the country. Every other country was like, "That's all we have to do? Thank you. That's perfect!"

Happy birthday to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. It was the first birthday party where someone jumped into the cake instead of out of it.



The Tonight Show Starring with Seth Meyers

The latest CNN poll has Donald Trump beating Hillary Clinton 45 percent to 43 percent. But the good news is, the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery.

Apple is supposed to unveil the latest iPhone tomorrow, which will reportedly do away with the traditional headphone jack. And this is convenient, the included ear buds will come “pre-lost.”

New York Mets player Wilmer Flores excited fans this weekend after changing his walk-up music to the theme song from "Friends." 'Cause if there’s one thing Mets fans understand, it’s when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year.

A national Washington Post survey found that Donald Trump has historically low support among college-educated women. It’s from their new segment, “Stuff You Could Have Guessed.”



The Tonight Show Starring with Stephen Colbert

President Obama flew to China for Labor Day because he wanted to see where American labor went.

The president is there for his very last G20 Summit. So, the next time he talks international economics, it'll be with a really bored person at a party.

There was a bit of a rough patch at the beginning of the meeting, when Chinese officials wouldn't let President Obama get off Air Force One using the normal staircase, or "Stair Force One" … I hope that's what they call it.

Have you heard about the latest FBI report on Hillary Clinton's emails? Probably not, because they put it out the Friday before Labor Day. You couldn't hide that news more if you welded it inside a lead capsule and fired it into the heart of the sun.

One of the big revelations of this latest email dump is that Secretary Clinton didn't use just one smartphone in office as she originally claimed, she used up to 13 different mobile devices in four years. Madam Secretary, tell the truth. Are you a crack dealer? Because I can't figure out why else you would need 13 phones.


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