Donald Trump said he’s "not happy" about being compared to Hitler. He said, "I’m thrilled."

Sunday night was the series finale of "Downton Abbey." But don’t worry, if you still want to hear a bunch of rich white people talking like it’s the 1920s, tune in to the next Republican debate.

ABC announced that the "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" will now feature a more diverse cast. They’re going to add a contestant who has read a book.

It came out in the news that Donald Trump was once a producer of a Broadway show. It was a revival of "Les Misérables" called "The French Are Losers."

Kanye West is in Sweden visiting the headquarters of IKEA. Kanye wanted to get advice from IKEA because, after a few years, he too is starting to fall apart.

One of the things revealed in Hillary Clinton’s emails is that she doesn’t know how to charge an iPad. Today, Bill Clinton said, "That’s funny, she’s REALLY good at checking an iPad’s browser history."

The all-you-can-eat chain Hometown Buffet has filed for bankruptcy. A spokesperson for the company said, "Good God — we didn’t realize just how much Americans can eat."

The Summer Olympics are in Brazil this year, and some of it will be filmed in virtual reality. The technology is so realistic, you can contract the Zika virus from your living room.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump's nearest competitor, Sen. Ted Cruz, was in Virginia. He must not have Secret Service protection because TMZ got right up close to ask Ted about his latest piece of campaign merchandise: yoga mats. He is going to make a heck of a QVC host when he loses this election.

I'm not sure who would buy a Ted Cruz yoga mat. But they're a real thing. They're American made. Unlike Ted himself.

That's not all the Cruz campaign has to offer. For the chef in the family you can preorder the official Ted Cruz grill spatula, with the Ted flame burning right there in the center. Same spatula he uses to scoop the gel into his hair.

All the candidates have merchandise for sale. Even the candidates who've dropped out. Jeb Bush has the “Guaca Bowle.” This is a guacamole bowl with Jeb's logo on it. Now you can do to avocados what Donald Trump did to Jeb Bush's spirit.

The description says, “Jeb and Columba love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday. Now you can get into the act with this Guaca Bowle. Jeb's secret guacamole recipe not included yet.” His secret recipe for guacamole is an avocado and a spoon.

Marco Rubio is selling an unusual shirt. It says “Marco Ru(bae)o.” For the one Marco Rubio supporter who knows what the word “bae” means. I wonder if they sold any.

John Kasich's store, not a single item in his store has his face on it, mostly because nobody remembers what he looked like.

Rand Paul has been gone for quite a while, but his campaign store is still open, which means there's still time to get a pair of Rand Paul freedom socks.

Imagine how turned on your wife will be when you sashay out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of those. And they're only $15 a pair, by the way, which is less than $8 each.

The Democrats aren't doing so great in the merchandise department either. Hillary Clinton gets the "Mom's trying too hard to be cool in front of her daughter's friends” award for the "Yaaas Hillary" shirt.

Finally, this is not something that Bernie Sanders is celebrating on his official page, but I think he should. This is for sale, the Bernie Sanders ceramic pipe — “for tobacco only.” Those Bernie Sanders supporters love their tobacco. It's the perfect way to say “I support my favorite candidate, then forgot to vote for him.”

Ladies and gentlemen, I know why you're excited! It's because today is International Women's Day. A day when we celebrate all the international women Donald Trump has married.

To celebrate International Women's Day, Air India flew the longest all-women-operated flight from Delhi to San Francisco. This is why we need an International Women's Day, so that one day, people can talk about an all-woman flight crew without constantly having to say, "Yes, even the pilot."

I understand the gesture, but it does seem a little strange when you think about it. "Happy International Women's Day — in honor of you, we're giving men the day off."

The flight went off without a hitch, and I'm so glad. Because if that plane had crashed, it would have set women back years.

Personally, I think it's great to give women their own day. But it is America, so they have to share it with pancakes. Today is also National Pancake Day. Pancakes and women. So, needless to say, this is a huge day for Mrs. Butterworth.

Actually, this is a good opportunity to celebrate some of our groundbreaking political candidates, like Hillary Clinton, who is a woman; or Marco Rubio, who's a little short stack.

Yesterday during a rally in Michigan, Sen. Sanders dropped a bombshell about burning down. He only smoked twice. I don't think this admission is on brand for Bernie.

Senator, do you know who your supporters are? I will tell you this much, they've smoked marijuana twice . . . since I started this sentence.

I for one am shocked by Bernie's admission. He recorded a reggae cover of a socialist anthem and expects us to believe he only smoked pot twice? Was one of those times “for 10 years,” Senator?

Of course, these days, you can get medical marijuana if you suffer from things like anxiety, nausea, and depression. And you know who could use a prescription? Every voter in America, because this campaign season has been brutal.