This is Cyber Monday, the biggest day of the year for online shopping. It was started by a bunch of nerds who were beat up on Black Friday: "I'm not doing that again." Ah, the safety of home.

Over the weekend a couple got married on the New York City subway — on the subway! The couple asked that instead of gifts you send Purell hand sanitizer.

Researchers are working on a Breathalyzer that can tell if you're driving while stoned. If the driver tries to dip the Breathalyzer in nachos and cheese, or tries to light it with a lighter, the gig's up.

They celebrate Thanksgiving differently in Scotland than in the U.S. What happened was Scotland is a part of the United Kingdom, and the pilgrims came from the U.K. to America where they had the first Thanksgiving. In Scotland what they remember is this: Remember those people with the buckled hats who left? Whatever happened to them? And that's Thanksgiving, European style.

The CEO Of Netflix says network TV will be dead in 15 years. That's fine with me — I just need it to last another couple of weeks!

It's Cyber Monday, the day we're all supposed to buy stuff on the Internet. Remember, online shopping isn't as good as the real thing. Just like watching this show on TV isn't as good as seeing it live. Honestly, you're not missing anything.

They say that on Thanksgiving, Americans consume more than twice their average daily calories. It implies we should eat less — or just eat a lot more the rest of the year and it wouldn't be twice as many.

I went back for seconds and thirds this year. I thought about going back for fourths, but I wanted to give myself something to shoot for next year, so ...

There was a lot of senseless violence on Black Friday. In Norwalk, sheriff's deputies had to go to Walmart after two adult women started fighting over a Barbie doll. They do say it's important not to lose touch with your inner child.

And in Houston, people were lying on top of flat-screen TVs to stop other people from buying them. Instead of a referee, the manager of the store has to come over and determine who has possession.

I saw that on Small Business Saturday, the president went shopping at a bookstore and bought 17 books, including "The Laughing Monsters," "Being Mortal," and "Heart of Darkness." Or as the cashier put it, "You OK, man? Maybe a little 'Chicken Soup for the Presidential Soul?'"

Vladimir Putin bribed a soccer official with a Picasso painting so he would support Russia's bid to host the 2018 World Cup. Putin was like, "It wasn't Picasso, just picture of what his face would look like if he said no." (Nose over here, eye up here, ear in forehead.)

A brewery in Oregon is coming out with a new Sriracha-flavored beer. That's right, beer that tastes like hot sauce. They said it's the perfect beverage for finding out if you're an alcoholic: "There's only one beer left and it has hot sauce in it — just give it to me!"