Wednesday Jul 29 2009
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Yesterday at the White House, President Obama took part in an online Q&A session with a group of senior citizens. The most common question the seniors asked Obama was, “What have you done with Eisenhower?”
Yesterday on Fox News, commentator Glenn Beck said that he believes President Obama is a racist. To be fair, every time you watch Glenn Beck, it does get a little easier to hate white people.
President Obama has invited Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates and the policeman who arrested him to the White House, and reportedly, Obama is going to serve them Budweiser. In the spirit of racial harmony, Budweiser is changing its nickname from “The King of Beers” to the “Martin Luther King of Beers.”
This fall, a team of scientists will shoot lasers at Mt. Rushmore to create a three-dimensional model. If the lasers are effective, Teddy Roosevelt will no longer need glasses.
Late Show with David Letterman
Big political scandal in New Jersey. This one was a little different — political and religious. A lot of rabbis got together and were selling human organs. Here’s a word of warning: Be careful if you are offered a kidney that fell off of a truck.
If you’re getting a pre-owned liver . . . just be sure it didn’t come from Amy Winehouse.
Summer is just flying by. It’s just amazing how fast summer flies by. Brett Favre is already retiring again.
Favre is retiring, but he promises to still help the people of Alaska.
Late Show Top Ten
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Sarah Palin might host a syndicated radio show. It’s scheduled to be four hours a day, but she’ll probably quit after the first 2 1/2.
Elsewhere in the news, a Swedish company was fined today after one of their assembly robots attacked a human worker. And so it begins . . .
In California, when a robot goes crazy, we elect it governor.
A 50-year-old man in California was arrested for having sex with a horse. It isn’t only that he had sex with a horse, he had sex with a horse . . . again. Doesn’t he understand naaay means naaay?
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Former Gov. Sarah Plain is rumored to be interested in a new career as a talk-radio host. It’ll be a four-hour show that’ll be gone after two.
Of course, you have to remember that radio host is now the most powerful position in the Republican Party.
She’ll be hosting “The Morning Drive on WKU-Betcha.”
Tomorrow President Obama has his big beer summit with professor Henry Louis Gates and Sgt. James Crowley. That’s a great idea. In my experience, the best way to settle an argument between guys from Boston? Just add alcohol.