Friday Feb 01 2013
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Beyoncé finally admitted that she did lip sync the national anthem during the inauguration. Now Donald Trump is claiming that since she did lip sync, President Obama is not legally president. He said it invalidated the whole thing.
It’s going to be quite the halftime show at the Super Bowl. Beyoncé is going to perform her smash hit "Single Ladies." then Dan Marino will come out and sing "Love Child."
That’s the big story that broke this week — former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino fathered a secret love child back in 2005. Obviously, his wife is not too happy. In fact, he could become the first NFL player to sustain more concussions AFTER he retired.
I love this story; the state of Washington is now looking for a marijuana consultant now that marijuana is legal up there. I think this is one of those green jobs President Obama is always talking about.
Late Show with David Letterman
I'm very excited about the Super Bowl, and how can you not be? It's the Ravens-Niners. I mean, it makes you want to run out and buy a team scarf.
There's a lot of traditions around the Super Bowl. And you're aware of most of them. For example, for the 43rd consecutive year, the New York Jets will be watching the game from home.
As you know, a lot of people just watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. They watch the commercials because they find them more entertaining than the game itself. That's why a lot of people watch this show.
Tonight is our 31st anniversary of doing late night TV. People say to me, "Dave, how do you do it night after night after night?" Honestly, it's got to take a toll. I say simple, it's the deer antler spray.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
The Super Bowl is on Sunday, and both teams are already in New Orleans getting ready for the big game. And during their practice yesterday, the 49ers actually piped in fake crowd noise to simulate the loud conditions for Sunday’s game. Yeah, fake crowd noise — or as Manti Te’o put it, “They sounded real to me!”
This is interesting. A new survey found that 27 percent of Americans think God plays a role in who wins the Super Bowl. Then Tim Tebow was like, “No. No, he doesn't.”
Here’s some news out of Washington. Today, President Obama honored more than 20 researchers for their contributions to science and technology. Unfortunately, it was overshadowed by the football game — or as those researchers put it, “Man, high school never ends, does it?”
The director of Jewish outreach for the White House announced that he is stepping down. He says it’s time to move on, while his mother says he's still a real catch and other presidents would be lucky to have him.