Wednesday Jan 23 2013
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Joe Biden made another one of his famous gaffes on camera Monday, saying he was proud to be president of the United States. I guess he forgot he wasn't at home standing in front of the bathroom mirror.
In his inaugural address, President Obama praised the patriots of 1776, and said they were much better than the Patriots of last Sunday.
There's been a lot of criticism over the NFL for not hiring enough minority coaches. And, of course, the NFL is trying to spin it. They said, "What are you talking about? We got two brothers coaching the Super Bowl."
According to a new study out of the University of Wisconsin, as much as 81 percent of people lie on online dating websites. To which Notre Dame's Manti Te'o said, "Now you tell me!"
Steven Tyler defended Beyoncé after she lip-synced at President Obama's inauguration. That's right. Steven said, "I know how she feels. I did the same thing at Harry Truman's inauguration."
Arnold Schwarzenegger signed on to a brand-new "Terminator" film. Now, due to his age, this one features the catchphrase, "I'll be back, right after 'Wheel of Fortune.'"
In Japan a senior official is in trouble for saying in order to save money, elderly people should, quote, "Hurry up and die." Of course, if he loses his jobs, he has a bright future writing Mother's Day cards.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Make sure to watch this show tomorrow night, because for the first time in 10 years, Matt Damon will be my guest. You may know Matt as the least-talented member of the cast of "Ocean's 11."
We had a hard time squeezing him into the show since 1993, but tomorrow night it happens. The Garfunkel to Ben Affleck's Simon, Matt Damon will be here.
Justin Bieber just surpassed Lady Gaga as the most followed person on Twitter. Justin now has 33,410,000 — 28,000 more than Lady Gaga. If you want to confuse your grandfather, wake him up right now and scream, "Bieber beat Gaga on Twitter!" He'll think you're possessed.
Justin Bieber reminds me a lot of myself at that age except instead of 33 million followers, it was two followers. Instead of Twitter followers, it was employees of a comic book store following me to make sure I didn't steal anything.