Friday Dec 14 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday morning, and "Lincoln" got seven nominations. Finally, a Republican who might win something.
On Wednesday night, Barbara Walters asked Governor Chris Christie if he was too fat to be president. A lot of people are criticizing Barbara for asking that question. But in fairness, Barbara asked that exact same question when she interviewed William Howard Taft.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said a failure to reach a deal for the fiscal cliff will hurt the recovery. The good news is most Americans will not be affected by this because they had no idea there WAS a recovery.
The U.S. Census Bureau says that by the year 2043, white people will be in the minority in the United States. By that time, the country will be 15 percent black, 31 percent Hispanic, and 1 percent Republican.
Late Show with David Letterman
Christmas is just around the corner. It's just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns.
The Mayan calendar says that on the 21st, we're done. We've only got about a week left, and I haven't even started packing.
On the bright side, the end of the world kind of takes the edge off the fiscal cliff, doesn't it?
The Mayans predicted that last joke wouldn't work.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The DEA says drug smugglers in Mexico are using canons to shoot marijuana over into the U.S. They have three distances — far, really far, and Willie Nelson's house.
"The Hobbit" opens today. It's going to make a ton of money this weekend. It will make more money than Mitt Romney spent losing the election.
Gollum's back as well. He's my favorite character. According to "The Lord of the Rings," Gollum was once a normal man. But wearing the ring drained him of his youth, vitality, and energy. That's why some men view him as a symbol of marriage.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
The new movie "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" came out today. It is almost three hours long. This marks the first time people are saying, "I'm going to save myself some time and just read the book."
Airlines in Europe are testing a new robot that can make drinks for passengers instead of having flight attendants do it. This way, flight attendants can stay focused on their most important job — ramming the beverage cart into your elbow.
Last night the Lakers lost to the Knicks for their fourth loss in a row. I don't want to say that it was an easy night for the Knicks, but even Woody Allen finished with nine points.