Friday Dec 07 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The unemployment rate has fallen to its lowest level in nearly four years. The bad news is that most of those jobs involve wearing a red suit, a beard, and having kids pee in your lap.
According to a new study at UCLA, Latinos live longer than non-Latinos. More bad news for Republicans.
Apple CEO Tim Cook says they will begin moving production of some Mac computers. They are going to build Apple products right here at home. So you kids 10 and under, get those resumes ready.
Congratulations to Kobe Bryant. Kobe Bryant this week scored his 30,000th point. Youngest guy ever to reach 30,000 points in his career. Even more impressive: Tonight he's going for his 75th career assist.
Late Show with David Letterman
It's Christmas in New York City, or as shoplifters call it, "the show."
Everybody's in a good mood during the holidays. I saw two strangers here sharing a cab. One took the tires, one took the radio.
Because of climate change, "Frosty the Snowman" has a new name. Now he's called "Frosty the Puddle."
The world's oldest woman, 116 years old, passed away. Does it seem to you like that title is cursed? Her last words were, "My chute won't open!"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Arnold Schwarzenegger has committed to appearing in at least one new "Terminator" movie. In the next movie, Arnold from the future will time travel to the past and tell Arnold from the past to wear a condom.
There is a very big movie opening today. It's one of the most highly anticipated films of the year. It's called "Playing for Keeps." It's actually based on a French film called "Playing for Crepes."
All I know about "Playing for Keeps" is Gerry Butler plays a Scottish soccer player who moves to America to teach kids soccer. What I think speaks volumes is that they don't put soccer anywhere on the poster. To most Americans, soccer is just warm hockey.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
There are now 20 million people in America who do yoga. And none of whom ever shut up about the fact that they do yoga.
House Speaker John Boehner says that his efforts to work with President Obama on the fiscal cliff have resulted in a lot of talk but “no action.” Yeah, a lot of talk but no action — or as I called that in college, “a date.”
Scientists in Australia have created a pineapple that tastes like a coconut. Took them long enough.