Monday Dec 03 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Great Britain's Princess Kate and Prince William are expecting a baby. The bad news: Prince Harry is already planning a huge baby shower in Vegas.
One day that child could grow up to be one of the most powerful unemployed people in the world.
Happy birthday to Britney Spears, who is now 31 years old. At her birthday party, all her family and friends got together and lip-synched "Happy Birthday."
President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, "Joe Biden."
The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees. It's all part of their "For the last time, we're not Muslim" campaign.
Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting. They don't know whether it's going to be a boy or a girl, but they do know it's not going to work a day in its life.
Lindsay Lohan says she does not need rehab because she says she has no problem with alcohol. However, Lindsay did admit that her car is a total drunk.
Late Show with David Letterman
It's a very proud night for myself and my family and my staff and my friends. I received a Kennedy Center Honor. And today the Republicans are trying to block it.
With the Kennedy Center Honors, I am now 17th in line for president.
I'm worried about the fiscal cliff in the same way I'm worried about Martians. Every now and then I look for them but I don't know what I'll do when I see them.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Prince William and his lovely bride are pregnant. Buckingham Palace announced Kate is pregnant. They've been married for a year and a half. That's like five marriages for a Kardashian.
Kate is said to be very nervous about giving birth. Giving birth to a baby wearing a crown is very hard.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Today it was confirmed that Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting their first baby. You can tell the baby’s a member of the royal family, because Kate said she can already feel it waving.
A new survey found that “Sophia” and “Aiden” were the most popular baby names this year. The least popular baby name was Kim Jong Sandusky.
While he was in Pennsylvania on Friday, President Obama said that he’s been keeping his own “naughty and nice list” of lawmakers. Then Biden was like, “Great, now I've got to worry about his list AND Santa’s?”
Friends of Mitt Romney are saying that he’s bored now that he’s no longer running for president — though not as bored as the rest of us were when he WAS running for president.