Thursday Oct 11 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
There is a lot of anticipation for tonight’s vice-presidential debate. Joe Biden took six days off to prepare for it. President Obama took just two days off. Well, three if you count the actual debate.
Astronomers have discovered a planet that is twice the size of earth and made of diamonds. President Obama says the planet may be inhabited by aliens not paying their fair share.
A fitness instructor in Maine has been charged with running a prostitution business out of her Zumba dance studio. Authorities first got suspicious when they saw guys going to work out at a Zumba dance studio.
I guess it was pretty obvious. Part of the Zumba dance workout involved throwing dollar bills on the stage.
Late Show with David Letterman
Some guys came here and did an air quality study. They said the breathing air in NYC is the worst breathable air in the world. They said New York's air has more chemicals in it than Lance Armstrong.
Earlier tonight was the vice-presidential debate. A lot of people say who cares, but let me tell you something. One of these two gentlemen will be walking the White House dog.
Paul Ryan's handling committee says he just has to do one thing. All he has to do is not look like a beady-eyed little weasel.
Before the debate, Ryan said he'll stick to the facts. So, see, he's already lying.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The vice-presidential debate between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan went on tonight. It seemed like someone spiked Biden's ensure with a five-hour energy drink or something. He was very fired up.
We haven't seen Paul Ryan talk much. He's a very serious guy. Paul Ryan seems like the guy you see at the bank who really hates standing in line.
Paul Ryan looks like the guy who guards the keg at a frat party.
Because President Obama and Mitt Romney went way over their time limits, they put safety measures in place for this debate to make sure it didn't happen again. I think they got this idea from award shows. Biden didn't even have time to thank his agent.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
A new poll found that only 47 percent of voters find Mitt Romney to be trustworthy. Then Romney was like, "Well, I hope it's not the same 47 percent I don't care about."
This week President Obama's Facebook page received more than a million "Likes" in a single day. All of them from Republicans who watched last week's debate.
Lance Armstrong could be pegged as the biggest cheater in sports because of a new report that shows he might have run the most sophisticated doping program in sports history. When news of this got out, Major League Baseball was like, "Well, we had a good run."