Wednesday Oct 10 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Tomorrow night Joe Biden and Paul Ryan will be facing off in the vice-presidential debate. The White House was a little worried. In fact, Biden's handlers are telling him, “Whatever you do, don't be yourself. Be anybody else."
The good news for the White House is that unemployment has dropped to 7.8 percent, right where it was when President Obama took office. So Obama has gone from "Change you can believe in" to "Can you believe there's no change."
Today the Secret Service caught a woman trying to sneak into the White House with a mysterious package. Turns out it was just Ann Romney with some carpet samples.
Mitt Romney is refusing to participate in the long-running special on Nickelodeon called “Kids Pick the President.” Romney said it's nothing personal; he just says that these kids are part of that 47 percent who contribute nothing to the country and mooch off their parents and grandparents.
Late Show with David Letterman
Tonight at Yankee Stadium is Game 3 between the Yankees and the Baltimore Orioles. Tonight's topic will be foreign policy.
The mayors have a little wager. If the Yankees win, Baltimore's mayor will send us Maryland crab cakes. And if the Orioles win, New York Mayor Bloomberg will send Baltimore a case of illegal 32-oz. sodas.
The vice-presidential debate is tomorrow night. Democrats took a pounding at the last debate, so now they're going to be a little more aggressive. Joe Biden is thinking of opening with a head butt.
It going to be strange watching a debate without the president, although he wasn't there for the last one either.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Kris Jenner, matriarch of the Kardashian family, is planning to host her own talk show. If the deal goes through, Fox reportedly would give Mrs. Jenner a six-week test run of shows, which is also the Kardashian trial period for marriages.
Police were called to the home of Lindsay Lohan's mother after an argument got physical. According to TMZ, Lindsay and her mom were at a club in New York until 4 a.m. Usually the only way you leave a club at 4 a.m. with your mom is because your mom drove to the club to drag you out of it. But in the Lohan family, the appletini doesn't fall far from the tree.
I feel bad for Lindsay Lohan. But it's time to stop blaming her mother. We should blame her grandmother for the way her mother turned out.
ABC has ordered a new celebrity competition show. It's similar in structure to "Dancing With the Stars" but instead of dancing, celebrities will be diving into a pool. At first I was interested. But then I found out they're planning on putting water in the pool.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
This week the Obamas’ dog, Bo, turned 4 years old. He spent the day the way he always does — digging holes, chasing squirrels, and coaching Obama for the debates.
The Obama campaign is planning to open up its 120th field office in Ohio. Even Starbucks is like, “That’s too many locations, man.”
Six months after getting engaged on national TV, Ben and Courtney from “The Bachelor” revealed that they have broken up. Other “Bachelor” contestants were shocked. They were like, “You guys stayed together for six months?”