Friday Sep 28 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
California was discovered on this day in 1542 by Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo. To give you an idea how long ago that was, at the time he discovered California he was the only person in the state who spoke Spanish.
Some good news for the folks in New Orleans. Today, FEMA ruled they are eligible for disaster relief for having to watch the Saints play.
According to a photo sent back from the Mars rover, there was once a large stream of flowing water on the surface of Mars, thousands of years ago. But now it's completely dried up. Today, Al Gore blamed it on "Martian warming."
A new study in Norway says divorce rates are far higher when men help with the housework and much lower when women do all the chores. How many guys are going to jump on this study? "Honey, I'd like to help with the housework but our marriage is more important."
Late Show with David Letterman
Here's another blow to the Romney campaign. Earlier today, that empty chair endorsed Obama.
Mitt Romney is doing what he can. He's trying very hard. He wants to unite America, the rich with the wealthy, the poor with the indigent, and the white with the Caucasian.
The presidential debates begin on Wednesday. Romney has taken two days off to prepare. They're going to have practice debates. They're going to do that for two days, and another full day of spray tanning, and he'll be ready to go.
These debates are tightly controlled. Each side, Obama and Romney, had to agree to 32 pages of rules. It's like being a Kardashian husband.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
"Carmageddon" is what the local media are calling this weekend. One of our main freeways is being shut down for a few days. The result is a phenomenon called "really bad traffic."
So we're all being advised to stay home and not drive. The entire population of L.A. Is being treated like Amanda Bynes.
There was a positive effect from last year's Carmageddon. The air quality in L.A. improved 83 percent that weekend. That usually happens only when Larry King leaves town.
During the first Carmageddon, some L.A. residents found life without their cars really inspiring. So they went to the woods and set their Priuses free.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
With the first presidential debate less than a week away, both the Obama camp and Romney camp are being careful not to overhype their candidates. They're asking voters to lower their expectations and not get too excited. Or as voters put it, "Way ahead of you. Don't worry about that."
A new study found that kids drink 7 trillion calories worth of sugar every year. Or as Honey Boo Boo calls that, breakfast.
Facebook is launching a new service that lets users buy teddy bears or cupcakes for their friends. Which would be great if anyone was actually friends with their Facebook friends.