Thursday Aug 30 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Clint Eastwood was the mystery guest tonight at the Republican convention. Finally, a senior citizen who scares Paul Ryan.
A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald's. To show you how good this guy's disguise was, instead of a holdup note he was reading from a teleprompter.
This Obama robber made some pretty scary threats to the McDonald's employees. He said, "Give me your money, or else my economic plan will have you working here for the rest of your life."
A company announced they are now selling waffle-flavored vodka. Who is this for, the drunks that still think breakfast is the most important meal of the day?
Tonight is the last night, the final night of the Republican convention. Tonight is the swimsuit competition.
It's been reported the Republican convention decided not to show a hologram of Ronald Reagan for fear it would overshadow Mitt Romney. It's never a good sign when your candidate is in danger of being overshadowed by something that technically doesn't make a shadow.
A former Navy SEAL has a book out that claims Osama bin Laden was unarmed when he was shot. The book is called "Who Cares, He's Dead."
MTV has announced this will be the last season of "Jersey Shore." So I guess we'll never know if they learn to walk upright.
Late Show with David Letterman
Are you excited about Labor Day weekend? That's a holiday where Americans take three days off from looking for a job.
You know who is in trouble again? Lindsay Lohan. For a while Lindsay Lohan was a person of interest in a jewel heist. I'm telling you, this woman apparently learned nothing from her four hours in prison.
Lindsay's been to court so often that's where she picks up her mail.
Have you folks been enjoying the Republican convention? Ann Romney was great. She said it's all about love. Then Chris Christie followed up by saying, "It's not about love, it's about respect." Will you people get on the same page? Which is it? Is it love or respect?
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
At the convention tonight, the surprise speaker was Clint Eastwood. What's more surprising than a grumpy old white guy at the Republican convention?
Forbes magazine released the highest paid celebrities list. Right now in Hollywood, self-centered jerks are flipping through Forbes, seeing who's on the list so they know who to suck up to.
Forbes is run by billionaire Steve Forbes. Who names a magazine after himself? Who would do that? Oprah.
Forbes once ran for president. It lasted about a week. So who better to judge the others' success?