Wednesday Aug 29 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Did you all watch the Republican convention last night? It's good to see scripted television finally making a comeback.
Hurricane Isaac turned out to be not much of a threat to the Republican convention. But to their credit, the Republicans had a contingency plan. If the hurricane did hit hard, delegates were instructed to evacuate to Mitt Romney's tax shelter.
According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama's Twitter followers are fake. They don't even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn't be any jobs for them.
The White House is now brewing its own beer. Republicans say the White House beer is actually pretty good. Just don't drink the Kool-Aid.
I thought Mitt Romney's wife Ann did a good job at the Republican convention. During her speech, she said after they got married, she and Mitt lived in a basement. It was a 2-room basement on the French Riviera.
Chris Christie gave the keynote address. In his speech he said the word "I" 37 times, "Romney" 7 times, and "jobs" only once. And then there was the 622 times he said the word "ham."
Yesterday a medical marijuana group officially endorsed President Obama for president. Doesn't really help Obama though, because they were just getting around to endorsing him for 2008.
The oldest person on Facebook is a 101-year-old woman. She said, "I want to waste what little time I have left."
Late Show with David Letterman
Here's what's great about America. You can now buy waffle-flavored vodka. See, good things are happening under Obama.
Dr. Phil had his car stolen. He bought the car with the money he earned exploiting kooks and crackpots on TV.
The Republican convention convened in Tampa. They're promising now to cut unpopular programs. I know they're talking about me.
John McCain was at the convention. He just wandered out on stage in his bathrobe.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The Republican National Convention is in full swing in Tampa. Speeches are being made. Hats flown in the air. Everyone gets their own hippie to slap around.
Working out has given Paul Ryan phenomenal abs. His abs are so in demand that TMZ is offering a bounty for anyone who can get an in-focus shot.
You can think outside the box and pick someone who'll excite people like Sarah Palin or you can play it safe with an honest down-home family man like John Edwards.
I can't wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies. So far the one that Obama likes is where Biden pretends to have food poisoning and they cancel the debate.