Conan

Tonight's an amazing show. It might be our best show ever. In fact, the show tonight is so good the Chinese have accused us of doping.

The Olympics are getting mixed reviews. People are angry at NBC for showing a promo that revealed the winner of a swimming event even though the race hadn't aired yet. NBC apologized saying, "We're just not used to people watching our network."

An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming.

Olympic officials said Saudi Arabia's first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a headscarf. A Saudi woman said she's thrilled about the ruling. All she needs now is a man to drive her to the Olympics.

 

 

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.

Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of Connecticut.

The word "sailing" sounds cool. It sounds better than "yachting," which sounds like something Mitt Romney does in his indoor lake.

Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.