Wednesday Jul 18 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Well, President Obama and first lady Michelle went to see the U.S. Olympic basketball team play Brazil the other day. And during the game, they were put on the kiss cam. At first, they didn't kiss and the crowd booed them. Then the camera went back to them. And they finally did kiss. Isn't that amazing? A politician in Washington caught on camera kissing a woman he's actually married to?
Romney's surrogate, John Sununu, he's in hot water for saying that, "I wish President Obama would learn how to be an American." Well, that's kind of insulting, isn't it? Don't you think? President Obama spends money he doesn't have. He loves to skip work and play golf. He sneaks away from his wife to eat fatty foods. What is more American than that?
The Obama administration has reportedly told Syrian rebels they can't help them until after the election. So at least they're consistent. That's the same thing they're telling us. "Can't help you until after the election.
Late Show with David Letterman
A 46-mile chunk of an iceberg floating free now has broken off of Greenland. Also, coincidentally a pretty big chunk of ice broke off of Katherine Heigl.
We're learning more and more about this guy Kim Jong-Un. New vicious, evil dictator of North Korea. Apparently quite a ladies' man. For a long time he was known as Kim Jong Clooney.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The West Coast is being threatened by tropical storm Fabio. The weathermen say Fabio formed three days ago. They're wrong. Fabio has been spinning around in my dreams for years.
Batman is a billionaire who doesn't trust the system to get the job done. He has a butler and an awesome car that gets like two miles to the gallon. He is the most Republican superhero of all time!
7-Eleven stores in Singapore debuted an instant mashed potato dispenser. This means the Indonesians are pulling ahead of us in the cholesterol race. This is serious. We may have to raise our threat level to Defcon Bacon.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
We are in the worst drought in 56 years. That seems unbelievably negative. Wouldn’t that be the best drought?
2012 is on track to be the hottest year in history. And that’s not just because of "Magic Mike."
The Boy Scouts of America has announced that they will continue to enforce their policy of banning opening gay boys from being scouts and openly gay adults from taking leadership positions in the organization. Between this and same sex marriage, people really don’t want gay people tying knots.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Last night, the Knicks decided to let go of Jeremy Lin. Allowing him to join the Houston Rockets. And, if that weren't bad enough, the Knicks actually had Jason Kidd drive him to the airport.
A new study found that Facebook games can cause kids to develop gambling problems. That is not good, no. You'd hate to see a kid's gambling addiction get in the way of their Facebook addiction.
There's a new slow-moving storm in the Pacific called Hurricane Fabio. Meteorologists expect Hurricane Fabio to touch the coastline, caress it softly, and then whisper, "I can't believe it's not butter."