Tuesday Jul 17 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Looks like designer Ralph Lauren is trying to calm the controversy over the fact that those Olympic uniforms they produced were made in china. Well, he now says the uniforms they make for the 2014 winter Olympics will be made right here in the USA using our own good old fashioned illegal immigrants.
Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they're just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it's an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing.
After signing as a point guard with the New York Knicks, Jason Kidd was arrested Sunday night after he crashed his car into a pole. Following a long night of partying, crashed right into a pole. Which is odd. Typically the Knicks don't start crashing until April, right?
In fact, witnesses say they haven't seen an NBA player that drunk since the day Kris Humphries married Kim Kardashian.
It is reported that Jennifer Lopez decided to leave American Idol because of Steven Tyler’s departure. She said “I don’t want to be the only woman judge.”
Katie Holmes car was hit by a garbage truck. Cops are still looking for the driver of the truck who is described as Tom Cruise. Couldn’t see him over the steering wheel.
Yahoo’s new CEO Mayer is six months pregnant. Apparently she was able to hide her pregnancy by only posting it on Yahoo.
Late Show with David Letterman
After years of criticism for his poor record on boosting employment, President Barack Obama is pleased to announce today he created a job. Congratulations to Amelio Markham from Smithsburg, Maryland, on his new job, making charts illustrating president Obama's downward spiraling approval ratings.
Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.
You know anything about North Korea? The evil North Koreans? They have a new evil dictator. But the kid is like 18 years old and he has a beautiful girlfriend. I mean a stunning, lovely girlfriend and they met through the North Korean dating service match.commie.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
It's a great day for America's sweetheart, a great entertainer; David Hasselhoff is 60 years old today. Happy Birthday. His friends surprised him by popping out from his chest hair.
Yesterday in Cincinnati, President Barack Obama had a meeting with Jerry Springer. He is trying to win the vote of husbands who cheat on their wives with men. That's a big demographic.
Mitt Romney is close to announcing his running mate. Apparently Romney wants a female with a strong stage presence and the free time to campaign. So I'm guessing Steven Tyler.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Maybe the reason Mitt Romney doesn’t want to release his tax returns is because Mitt Romney is Batman.
The FBI is investigating a recent flight. Passengers found needles in their turkey sandwiches. Thank god it was just needles and not a real threat to safety like a 9 oz. bottle of body lotion.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
During last night's USA-Brazil basketball game, President Obama gave Michelle a kiss when they were shown on the kiss cam. That's cute. It explains why everyone was like, "quick, put him on the fix the economy cam!"
Yesterday in Cincinnati, Jerry Springer announced that he is endorsing Obama. Don't get too excited. Obama still has to win over Judge Judy and Maury.
A new study found that women's IQs ARE HIGHER THAN MEN'S for The first time in 100 years. They would have found it earlier, but the researchers were all men.