Friday Jun 15 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
There's a rumor going around that suggests President Obama may legalize marijuana as an October surprise to win the election. And if he doesn't win, at least he'll have a way to mellow out later.
Guantanamo Bay is getting millions of dollars in upgrades and renovations. They're adding things like cable TV, nicer beds, an athletic facility. In fact, the government isn't even running Guantanamo Bay anymore. It's now part of the Sandals Resorts organization.
There was a report in the paper today that the city of Detroit will go broke in two weeks. Are you surprised by that? Didn't you think Detroit went broke, like, 10 years ago?
It's being reported that more and more elderly people are being incarcerated in this country than ever before. Well, of course. They're easier to catch.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
There is a big movie opening today. I'm very excited about this movie, "Rock of Ages." It's a musical about the hair-metal bands of 1980s. I'm not the biggest fan of hair metal. How good can a musical genre be when it's known for its hairstyle?
A lot of these hair-metal songs were popular because of the video games Rock Band and Guitar Hero. Nothing says rock 'n' roll like playing a video game in your parents' basement.
What I've never understood about Guitar Hero is that if you go through all the trouble to be good at Guitar Hero, why don't you just learn to play the guitar?
"Rock of Ages" is basically just karaoke for middle-aged people. It's "Glee" for dads.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It is Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to the dads whose families were kind enough to give them the greatest gift of all — the gift of being left alone to watch TV.
Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.
Coming up shortly is Game 3 of the NBA finals between the Miami Heat and the Oklahoma City Thunder. Miami's looking to win their first title for the thousands of elderly fans who are scheduled to pass away over the off-season.
Whatever you think of LeBron James, at this point you have to admit, he's the best player with a capital "B" in the middle of his name maybe in the history of the game.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
A new survey found that US Airways is the most hated airline in the country. Today, US Airways apologized to its passengers — then charged them a $50 apology fee.
A man in the UK has been accused of hacking into the PBS website. That finally answers the question — “who’s the world’s lamest hacker?”
Sunday is Father’s Day. This year I got my dad a new set of golf clubs, a golf bag, some tees — man, if he ever learns how to play golf, he is set.
This Monday is the 200th anniversary of the War of 1812. Or as it was known in 1812, “The War.”