New York City's Mayor Bloomberg is cracking down on the most dangerous threat to the Big Apple: sodas.

Bloomberg wants to outlaw sodas and other sugary drinks over 16 ounces. I try to limit my sugar intake. That's why I eat little fun-size candy bars. But I eat them 50 at a time. By the time I'm done, nobody's having fun. My almond joy turns to almond shame.

Who is this Mayor Bloomberg who thinks he can tell us what we can and can't drink? Probably one of those vegan fascists who drives a Prius.

This ban only applies to large sodas, 16 ounces or more. So if sodas were Kardashians, they're really just banning Khloe.

New Yorkers, I've got a tip for you. Here is a way to get around the ban. Buy two 12-ounce sodas. All the soda you can drink in exchange for paying twice the sales tax. Bloomberg, you midget genius!