Thursday May 10 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
President Obama has come out in support of gay marriage. He said his position has been evolving for years. Miraculously, he saw the light just in time for tonight's big Hollywood fundraiser. What are the odds?
Today Newt Gingrich didn't agree or disagree on the gay marriage thing. However, he did say there should be a term limit on all marriages.
Researchers at Harvard say red wine can slow the aging process. They say if you drink red wine, it can help you look younger. And you can look even younger if you get the other person to drink it.
According to Danish researchers, people who jog live six years longer than non-joggers. Aren't you OK with dying early and missing that six years of jogging?
Yesterday President Obama came out in favor of gay marriage because his position has evolved. Then today he flew to George Clooney's house. So things are evolving a lot faster than we expected.
The White House admitted that Vice President Biden's endorsement of gay marriage forced him to come out in favor of it. So in a related story millions of Americans are trying to get Biden hooked on pot.
Mitt Romney has issued an apology for some of his high school pranks that went a little too far. Probably the meanest prank was the time he bought his high school and fired everyone in it.
The best-selling novel "Fifty Shades of Grey" has been banned from many libraries in Florida. Isn't it shocking? They have libraries in Florida.
Late Show with David Letterman
President Obama says he supports same-sex marriage. Not only that but he's going to turn his birth certificate into a musical.
My question with the same-sex couples is: Who drives, who nags? Who says let's order dessert and who says I'll just have a bite?
Can you be in a heterosexual marriage and also have a gay marriage? Can you have one of each?
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
President Obama's in town for a fundraiser. Forty grand a plate — because nothing says "man of the people" like demanding 40 grand for some rubbery chicken.
The guests included Leonardo DiCaprio and Barbra Streisand. It must have been awkward though. Everybody in Hollywood thinks they're the world's most important person. So it must be kind of weird when in walks the world's actual most important person.
Insiders say Obama's pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been "acting" like he was born in Hawaii for a long time.
I'm a little surprised how much everyone in show business wants a second term for Obama. An over-hyped sequel with a bloated budget — that's not the Hollywood I know.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Time magazine has a controversial new cover. They put it out for Mother's Day. It's a real mom feeding her 3-year-old son. Don't look at it as the source of future humiliation for the boy. Try to look at it as the event that helped shape him into history's most fearsome cage fighter.
As you might imagine, many people were shocked by the fact that that was the cover of a magazine. If you were shocked by that, you do not want to see what they have planned for Father's Day.
When you see your mom this weekend, thank her for never doing that to you.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
After President Obama announced his support for gay marriage, his campaign raised a million dollars in 90 minutes. That explains why today Mitt Romney actually supported gay marriage from noon to 1:30.
A new survey found that the best time to post something on Facebook is on Wednesdays between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. — while the best time to post something on MySpace is on Wednesdays between 2004 and 2007.
Time magazine is getting attention for its new cover, which shows a woman breastfeeding her 3-year-old son. The issue is expected to make millions of dollars — and that’s just for the kid’s therapist.
There’s a new iPhone app where users can look at awkward family photos. Of course, there’s always that other place to see awkward family photos — the cover of Time magazine.