Monday Mar 12 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
They say gasoline could be $6 a gallon. But the good news is the White House says President Obama is aware of the problem, and will continue to talk about it between fundraisers.
President Obama today released his NCAA bracket. He is a huge basketball fan. But privately, White House aides are worried that if he spends so much time on this, it could affect his golf game.
Happy birthday to Mitt Romney, he’s 65 years old. At his party, he didn't blow out the candles. He gave a speech and the candles just flickered and died.
Romney's birthday is not a big deal here. But in the Cayman Islands, it's a national holiday.
Late Show with David Letterman
How about that Rush Limbaugh? It was nice for me to see somebody else apologizing for something for a change.
Don't kid yourself, Rush is in a lot of trouble. He's down to two national sponsors. You know what they are? One is Crisco, and the other is Hostess Twinkies.
With daylight-saving time, we lose an hour of our lives. It's like a Kardashian marriage.
Not only do I lose the hour when you monkey with the clock, I lose another hour trying to find the nail to put it back on the wall.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
You know when it comes to organic food, the USDA is very tough. You can't have anything that ends in “eetos.”
In the past I’ve been hard on the vegans. I've called them Prius-driving fascists, but now I am one of them. I have been turned to the dark side.
I actually tried to grow my own food but I can't find any Twinkie seeds.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
For me, whatever time we save for daylight-saving time is offset by the 45 minutes it takes me to figure out how to reset the clock on the microwave.
I don't condone jumping ahead in time in any form, unless it involves a DeLorean, stolen plutonium, and a soundtrack by Huey Lewis.
Larry King announced he'll be hosting a new daily talk show online. Really, the only place Larry should be online is for the early bird special at Golden Corral.
The format of the show will be a little bit different from his TV show. The plan is to make it an hour of Larry staring into a webcam wondering if it's turned on and if anyone can hear him.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon