Monday Feb 06 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Tom Brady's wife Gisele publicly criticized the Patriots receivers for dropping some of her husband's passes. You know, it's one thing when you get chewed out by your coach. But to get chewed out by a a supermodel, that's got to hurt.
Patriots coach Bill Belichick was not happy after the game. I haven't seen a man that miserable come out of Indiana since Letterman.
NBC charged advertisers $5 million for a 30-second spot — $7 million a minute. That's almost as much as the Kardashian wedding.
President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. You know, I got a better idea. How about sanctions against our banks for deceptive practices?
Late Show with David Letterman
We wanted to show clips of the Super Bowl but NBC owns the rights and they’re just so fascist.
That’s the way to tell a fascist: They don’t want to share.
Newt Gingrich has criticized “New York elites” who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.
Happy birthday to Zsa Zsa Gabor, she’s 95 years old. I thought she did a great job at the Super Bowl halftime.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard In The New England Patriots Locker Room After The Super Bowl
"What matters most is we had fun"
"We should have Tebowed"
"President Bush is on the phone"
"We still get paid, right?"
"On the bright side, we still get to shower together"
"Why is Bill Belichick naked?"
"Who cares that we lost — I'm married to a supermodel" (Tom Brady only)
"Well, at least we don't have to go on Letterman"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Madonna came into the Super Bowl halftime show carried by muscle-bound men. It’s a good thing she wasn’t carried in by the Patriots, because they would have dropped her.
I don’t usually take a controversial stance, mostly because I’m a lazy coward, but I am done with the talking baby commercials.
The talking baby is the Kardashian of commercials. America is tired of the talking baby.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Super Bowl was on this weekend. Don’t tell me what happened, I have it on TiVo.
I usually just watch to see what the players are wearing, but the game was great too.
Supermodel Gisele Bundchen criticized her husband Tom Brady’s teammates. She really wanted the Super Bowl ring so that she could wear it as a belt.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon