Thursday Feb 02 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
There are signs that Newt Gingrich’s campaign is starting to run out of money. He's dropped Tiffany and he's buying all of his jewelry on QVC now.
Mitt Romney said he is not concerned with the very poor. That statement worked out well for Marie Antoinette, didn't it?
Donald Trump has now endorsed Mitt Romney. Imagine that: A billionaire reaching out to a millionaire.
Romney knows how President Obama thinks. Because when he was governor of Massachusetts, he thought the exact same way.
Super model Gisele Bundchen wants people to pray for her husband Tom Brady to win the Super Bowl. In response, God said, “You know what, I think I’ve done enough for Tom Brady.”
After losing in Florida, Newt Gingrich is campaigning hard in Las Vegas. Gingrich says he loves Las Vegas because it has two of his favorite things: buffets and wedding chapels.
They've chosen a new voice to play Dora the Explorer. I just want to say, thank you for the opportunity. Kids, I will not let you down.
Late Show with David Letterman
Mitt Romney said he's not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million.
Romney said the poor ought to get together and go to Best Buy to watch the Super Bowl on the wide screen.
Romney was endorsed by Donald Trump. You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The nuclear power plant here in Southern California had to be closed. It was leaking radiation. The good news is, you notice how it is a little brighter in this studio?
It's a great day for Mitt Romney. He was endorsed by Donald Trump. Unfortunately it was a split decision. The thing on Trump's head endorsed Gingrich.
It's Groundhog Day. A groundhog knows as much about weather as Mitt Romney knows about poor people.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Super Bowl is on Sunday. That means there's only a few days left to inflate your furniture.
In the old days, people would get excited about the Super Bowl commercials because it was the only place you could see talking babies or frogs that drink beer. But now on YouTube, you can see it every day.
Donald Trump made a surprise endorsement of Mitt Romney for president. And Mitt climbed into Donald’s golden helicopter and they flew around the country, dropping silver dollars on the homeless and unemployed.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Donald Trump announced that he’s endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It was really nice. Trump was like, “There’s only one man with the brains, the skills, and the charisma to be president — but since I’m not running, you might as well vote for Mitt Romney.”
It was a busy day for Trump, because just this morning, his hair popped out of the ground and predicted six more weeks of winter.
Over the weekend, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were spotted taking their kids to Cirque du Soleil. It’s weird when they take their kids to the circus, because even the clowns are like, “That’s a lot of people in one car!”