Friday Jan 06 2012
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
According to National Enquirer, John Edwards has proposed to his mistress, Rielle Hunter. He gave three reasons for wanting to marry her: He loves her, she's the mother of his child, and of course, a wife can't testify against her husband.
China's state media has announced that it has successfully curbed what they called “excessive entertainment” on TV. Hey, big deal. We did that here at NBC 10 years ago.
Mexico has just completed construction of a bridge that is one of the world's highest. In fact, it clears the fence along our border by a good 50 feet.
It's being reported that after Tiger Woods' ex-wife, Elin, bought a $12 million mansion in Florida, she had it demolished. Here's the amazing part: She did it with a 9-iron.
Late Show with David Letterman
Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him.
How about Mitt Romney? Now there's a guy who looks like you would see his picture on a package of men's briefs.
Rick Perry decided he would stay in the race, so there is still plenty of time not to vote for him.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You’re Already Having a Bad Year
Still waiting for friends to arrive at New Year’s Eve party
Seems like everyone you know has the same resolution: dropping you from Twitter
Hand’s been stuck in catfish for eight days
Went to Texas to reassess your campaign
Still locked in your Y2K bunker
You’ve had your keys Heimliched out of you twice
Already broke your resolution to not read lame Top Ten list
Caught your wife caucusing with your neighbor
You play for the New York Jets
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Some philosophers have suggested that the devil is merely an allegorical representation of mankind's own moral frailties, but I think our moral universe needs Satan. Without the devil, who'd sit on my shoulder and argue with the angel on my other shoulder?
If the devil isn't real, who went down to Georgia lookin' for a soul to steal?
The depiction of the devil as a red-horned dude with a fork and tail actually comes from John Milton, a 17th century poet. I know what you're thinking: Here we go. Another late night host banging on about Elizabethan poets.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Herman Cain is back. He's planning to tour the country in a bus, which sounds like his wife has kicked him out of the house.
Romney doesn't talk about it much but his great grandfather in the 1800s moved his family to Mexico to avoid being prosecuted for polygamy. And for the chimichangas.
The remaining Republican candidates are in New Hampshire this weekend, where they will have two debates in the span of 12 hours. And this is just the regular season. Wait until the playoffs.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Iran just announced plans to restrict Web access, and launch its own national Internet. That’s right, they’re creating an Internet that’s totally cut off from the rest of the world — or as that’s also known, “AOL.”
Jewelry from the Titanic will be auctioned off here in New York to mark the Titanic’s 100th anniversary. Yeah, it’ll be weird when your wife’s like, “Honey, these earrings are beautiful, where’d you get them?” “Some dead woman who drowned!”
New research shows that children who have good teachers end up earning more money as adults. While children who don’t have good teachers end up earning more money as cast members on “Jersey Shore.”