Friday Dec 16 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
I've got to admit, Christmas is strange in Los Angeles. People in Hollywood marvel when they see the nativity scene because rarely do people in this town ever see a baby being taken care of by both parents at the same time.
USA Today reports that the number of death row executions this year has hit a 35-year low. They attribute that to DNA evidence clearing more people and the fact that Rick Perry has been on the road campaigning.
Gary Busey has just withdrawn his endorsement of Newt Gingrich. That's when you know your campaign's in trouble.
President Obama now says he didn't know how bad the economy was when he took office. And if it doesn't improve soon, that's what the next president is going to be saying.
Late Show with David Letterman
Macy’s is open 24 hours a day now. That's just got hold-up written all over it, right?
Nothing puts you in the Christmas spirit like that nightshift Santa.
They say the Golden Globes predict the Academy Awards. And I thought, yes, in one sense they do predict that, because it's going to be long and boring.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Mitt Romney said Newt Gingrich was too "zany" to be president. Newt Gingrich responded by tossing confetti in the air, squeezing a car horn, and then spraying seltzer at Mitt Romney.
I don't have time to say Mitt and Romney, so I just call him “Mittney.”
A movie called "The Artist" got six nominations. It's a silent movie where people's mouths move but nothing comes out. It's like Rick Perry at a debate.
In this new “Chipmunks” movie, the chipmunks wreak havoc on a cruise ship. I don't know much about cruise ships, but they're not usually kind to rodents. A rodent on a cruise ship would be treated worse than Michael Vick at a dog pound.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon