Tuesday Dec 13 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Rick Perry said there were eight supreme court justices instead of nine. But, in his defense, he did know there were only three judges on "Dancing With the Stars."
Perry also said the Obama administration sent $500 million to the “country of Solyndra.” If an energy company was a country, don't you think we would've invaded it by now?
Iran is now in possession of an American drone. When I heard that I thought, "Oh, my god, they captured Joe Biden?"
Pope Benedict announced he's going to visit Mexico sometime next year. He will bring with him a message of hope for all the Mexican people. And then he will come to Los Angeles and give the same message to even more Mexican people.
If you're watching right now, you're either a huge fan or you lost the remote.
According to a new survey, some people are waiting until after Christmas to do their holiday shopping. Yeah, these people are known as men.
Newt Gingrich released a statement promising he would not cheat on his wife. Even better, he said he wouldn't cheat on his next wife either, or the one after that.
Yesterday, someone threw a pair of shoes at Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Iran has captured the shoes and is studying their technology.
Late Show with David Letterman
Lindsay Lohan had her purse stolen. She's missing cash, passports, and three stolen necklaces.
Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab so many times the cafeteria named a sandwich after her.
Mitt Romney says if he is president he will create 11 million new jobs. Sure, they'll all be in China, but a job is a job, ladies and gentlemen.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs the Candidates Have Debate Fatigue
Most frequent question from moderators: “You awake?”
Michele O’Bachmann trying to get her husband to pray away the tedium
Newt Gingrich opened a revolving account with Sleepy’s
When asked a question, they all keep texting and mutter, “Uh huh, uh, huh . . . “
Last night, Romney challenged Perry to a $10,000 game of “Words With Friends”
Ron Paul’s fake eyebrows are twitching
Theme of the debate: “Who Cares?”
Jon Huntsman tried to . . . Wait, who is Jon Huntsman?
They all walk around dazed and miserable — it’s like working here
At last debate, Rick Perry said, “Debate my butt!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I looked all over Hollywood today and I was unable to find a partridge in a pear tree. But I did find a pigeon in a homeless person's beard.
Donald trump announced this morning that he will not serve as moderator at the GOP debate that was scheduled for Dec. 27. He said he had to cancel the debate because he may want to run as an independent candidate — and because only two of the GOP candidates decided to show up.
This guy is something. He's committed to the debate, he's not committed; he's running, he's not running; he's in, he's out. What does he think this is, one of his marriages?
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon