Friday Dec 09 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Schools here in Los Angeles aren't allowing Santa Claus to come into the schools anymore. Not because of religious reasons, but they claim he's wearing gang colors.
President Obama celebrated Hanukkah at the White House last night. He lit the menorah, and then Vice President Joe Biden came in sang happy birthday, and blew out all of the candles.
A global study released just today found that happiness does not increase with the rate of economic growth. To which President Obama said, "See? That's what I’ve been trying to tell people.”
Late Show with David Letterman
Everybody has been in a very festive mood. I even saw two strangers splitting a cab. One guy took the tires, one guy took the radio.
There's a Christmas special coming up here on CBS. Kim kardashian: The 12 Days of Marriage.
More good news for Newt Gingrich. Earlier today, he was endorsed by the voices in Glenn Beck's head.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Mall
A dozen Starbucks, no bathrooms
Instead of Build-A-Bear, there's Stuff-A-Raccoon
It's raided by the Feds twice a day
Restroom also wishing well
The Santa is overheard saying "No fat kids"
It's in downtown Kandahar
The pet shop is filled with poisonous snakes
Security guard is watching surveillance monitor of you in the dressing room
Escalators go 45 miles an hour
Mannequin looks suspiciously like your dead neighbor
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
President Obama said he is “very concerned” about the European debt crisis. While Joe Biden said he is quote “very concerned” about the drop in Nickelodeon’s ratings.
A woman in Oklahoma was arrested for making meth inside a Wal-Mart. Or as Wal-Mart put it, “Told you we had everything!”
A man in Russia is filing for divorce, claiming that he doesn’t remember ever getting married. Yeah, it’s like the wedding never happened — which explains his name, Vladimir Kardashian.