Tuesday Sep 15 2009
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
President Obama gave a tough speech to Wall Street executives. Wall Street is considered a safe place for him because if someone yells out “You Lie!” he could be talking to anybody.
They’re doing it again — Goldman Sachs gave out $11 billion in bonuses. They told executives to be discreet with their money. Their money! It’s our money!
According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, a secret panel meets every week in Harrisburg, Pa., to go through applications for state vanity license plates to reject any that are considered sleazy or offensive. They wouldn’t want anyone with a crude saying on their license plate driving through Intercourse or Blue Ball, Pa.
According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a “jackass” for interrupting Taylor Swift’s speech the other night. Not since “Yes We Can” has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind.
Kanye West has apologized for interrupting Taylor Swift at the Video Music Awards, and he says it’s made him realize he needs to take some time off for reflection. Which makes sense because if Kanye West has one problem, it’s that he doesn’t think about himself enough.
Yesterday in New York, President Obama had lunch with former President Clinton. Afterwards, Clinton told Obama, “Remember if Hillary asks, we had lunch and dinner then I slept over at your place.”
President Obama is pushing so hard for healthcare, he’s going to appear on an unprecedented five shows this Sunday. What’s strange is, two of them are “Entourage” and “Family Guy.”
Late Show with David Letterman
Late Show Top Ten
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
That guy who threw the shoe at President George W. Bush was released from prison after serving nine months. He said he was tortured — they made him bathe every day.
After Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s speech at the awards, President Obama was quoted as saying, “What a jackass.” It might be the first thing the president has said that everyone in the country agrees on.
Obama went on to say that if passed, his healthcare plan would offer full coverage for whatever is wrong with Kanye’s brain.
Swift went on “The View” to explain what happened, because of course, “The View” is the place to go to be heard uninterrupted.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
In an off-the-record comment reported by ABC, President Obama said that Kanye West was a “jackass.” In even bigger news, ABC doesn’t understand the meaning of the phrase, “off the record.”
Kanye was pretty hurt when he heard the president called him a jackass but Joe Biden said, “Ah, you get used to it.”
Taylor Swift was a guest on the “The View” this morning two days after being interrupted by Kanye West during her acceptance speech at the VMAs. That’s a good idea because if there’s one place where you don’t have to worry about being interrupted, it’s “The View.”
On “The Jay Leno Show” last night Kanye said he was sorry about his behavior at the VMAs. It was going well until he bragged that his apology was “one of the greatest apologies of all time.”