Thursday Dec 01 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Facebook could be going public, sparking one of the largest initial public offerings ever, which will value the company at over $100 billion. And MySpace also has some exciting news. They too are hoping to boost profits by having a bake sale this weekend which could bring in as much as $35.
Authorities have discovered what they call the most sophisticated tunnel ever found underneath the U.S.-Mexican border, being built by a Mexican drug cartel. And Gov. Rick Perry asked the question we're all asking: “Why can't these tunnels be dug by hard-working American drug cartels?”
I was in the supermarket today, and I saw some Occupy Wall Street protesters in the dairy department. They were protesting the 1 percent milk.
One of the holiday decorations at the White House is a 400-pound gingerbread house. Isn't that nice? And if front of that is a 400-pound ginger bread “foreclosed” sign.
Los Angeles is being hit by some seriously strong winds at the moment. I'm just curious, how many people were here for "Two and a Half Men" and they got blown into this studio?
In Utah a hunter was shot when his dog stepped on his shotgun. The dog later apologized and said, “Sorry, but you did neuter me.”
Late Show with David Letterman
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
There's a man in Utah recovering from wounds after his dog shot him in the butt. The police think it’s because the man was wearing a Michael Vick jersey.
It was windy last night in Hollywood. that Demi and Ashton were accidentally blown back together.
I woke up today and discovered winds had blown a bunch of trash into my pool. By "a bunch of trash" I mean a couple of spare Kardashians and Steven Seagal.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
More than 400,000 homes in southern California lost power from the wind. For the last 24 hours, we have been forced to keep up with the postal service.
The number of households that own a television set is down for the first time since they started the survey. This is America! The only excuse for not having a TV in your home is, you're too fat to fit into Best Buy to get one.
“Sesame Street” went on the air in Afghanistan. How can they have "Sesame Street" in a country that doesn't have streets?
Let this be a warning to nations around the world, engage in a war with us and we will invade your country and provide you with quality children's programming.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
It is the holiday season over at the White House. The theme for this year’s Christmas is “Shine, Give, Share.” While rumor is, the theme of next year’s White House Christmas will be “Clean, Pack, Move.”
Congress just lifted a ban on producing and exporting horse meat. Or as Taco Bell put it, “There was a ban on that?”
I heard that Facebook is in talks to launch an online gambling app next year. It’s a little weird. When you lose all your money, Facebook just repossesses your land on Farmville.
That’s right, Facebook is launching an online gambling app. Or you could just gamble the old-fashioned way: Get drunk and log onto Facebook.