Wednesday Nov 30 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Once again, Target announced they are banning The Salvation Army from soliciting in front of their stores. What's wrong with this country? Shoppers are pushing each other. They're stepping over people who have had heart attacks, they're pepper spraying each other in the face. That's okay. But a guy wants to collect a few bucks for the poor - Get out of here. Call the cops.
According to a survey just released this week, one-third of all mall Santa Claus’ have had a child urinate in their lap. Even worse, the other two-thirds have urinated in their own laps.
The USDA has fined the Ringling Brothers circus nearly $300,000 for mistreating the animals. But what about the clowns? Anybody thought of them? Huh, shoving 20 of them in that little car, does that seem right? Getting shot out of a cannon every 20 minutes? That's not fair.
I don't know if you know the Occupy L.A. protesters have been evicted. They all were evicted. As of this morning, according to reports, and all that was left of their campsite was trash, empty tents and the smell of urine. Then someone pointed out that was not Occupy Los Angeles, that was Gary Busey's house.
Congress may allow Americans to start selling horse meat for human consumption. When they heard the news, McDonald’s unveiled their new breakfast offering, the Sea Biscuit biscuit.
The Kardashian sisters are among “Barbara Walters’ 10 Most Fascinating People in 2011.” This is the first time that Barbara Walters has done a sarcastic prime-time special.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Riot police arrested hundreds of people outside city hall, still less violent than Black Friday at every Walmart in America.
Occupy L.A. encampment is over and with it, the world's longest hacky sack game comes to an end.
Meanwhile, in New York tonight, the annual lighting of the Christmas tree. A dozen protesters are living in the tree right now.
After two months, the LAPD broke up the Occupy protest outside city hall here in Los Angeles last night. Surprisingly, the police didn't find any drugs on the premises which means that the police are not very good at finding drugs.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Speaking of NBC, did you guys see this? Last night, Brian Williams continued with the ‘NBC Nightly News’ while a high-pitched fire alarm went off in the studio. Yeah, he kept talking over a loud screeching sound - or as that's also known, ‘The View.’
Department store Santas are apparently being trained to lower children’s expectations about toys because of the recession. Yeah, it’s weird when you ask Santa for a train set and he’s like, ‘Yeah, how ‘bout a bus token?’
This is pretty weird. Earlier this month, two men successfully launched a can of beer into space. I guess that’s why one astronaut was like, (INTERCOM, DRUNK) ‘Houston . . . I love you, man.’