Friday Nov 04 2011
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
On this day in 1922 King Tut's tomb was discovered and the men who discovered it are still considered the greatest fortune hunters of all time, not counting the woman who claimed Justin Bieber is the father of her baby.
President Obama joined other world leaders in trying to convince Greece to cut back in spending and reduce their debt. This is part of their “do as we say not as we do” summit, apparently.
If they're serious about cutting back on spending, how about not holding these summits in the world's most expensive places like the South of France? What's wrong with the function room at Denny’s or the Waffle House?
Political experts say that if Greece goes under, the world banks will go under, and then the U.S. economy will go under, and this will cost president Obama the election. But Obama still has three chances to win: Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, and Herman Cain.
Late Show with David Letterman
In two weeks, Regis Philbin will stop doing whatever it is he does. I'm telling you, two more weeks of this. It was easier to get Gadhafi out.
Herman Cain was unaware that China is a nuclear power. And I said to myself, “Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a history book?”
Forget president — this guy could be premier of Italy.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
Shortly after he was arrested, the police also arrested the world's most optimistic pimp.
People don't know that Benny Hill started out as a fairly respected actor. But then he got his own TV show. Now he is remembered only for lame double entendres.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
This week, Mitt Romney’s campaign sent out automated phone calls saying that Rick Perry is too soft on immigration. Yeah, the call was like, “For English, press one. Para Español, go talk to your buddy Rick Perry.”
A man called the police this week after a snake crawled out of the ATM he was using. The snake was immediately captured, and returned to its position as the bank’s CEO.
Police arrested an 83-year-old male prostitute. It’s a little weird. Instead of asking clients for cash, he has them pay him in war bonds.
Next Tuesday, an asteroid the size of an aircraft carrier is expected to pass close to Earth. And if that weren’t scary enough, I heard there’s an 83-year-old male prostitute running around.